Bound
by colormetheworld
Summary: "Could she do it? Is she brave enough?" (trigger warning for abduction, abuse, PTSD, trauma) Note the rating.
1. Chapter 1

There's no food.

Jane pulls on the metal cuff that's around her neck so that she can lean all the way back into the refrigerator.

Nothing. Well, as close to nothing as there can possibly be.

Two cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, a half sandwich that has gone green with mold, and something that Jane wants to venture is an apple, though she can't be sure because the surface of the fruit is alive with maggots.

She pulls back, and the cord pulls back too, the sound like a zipper. "Shit," she swears under her breath.

She moves to the cabinet, pressing her hand flat against the door for a moment. If she was the type to pray, she would say one right now. Hell, if she were the type who'd read fairy tales as a little kid, she'd say a magic spell.

She pulls the cabinet door open. Three cans of beans, one packet of tuna and an empty salt and pepper shaker.

"Shit!" she lets the cabinet door fall shut with a bang, and then brings her hand down against the wood as well.

She is making too much noise to hear the 'thhhhp' of Madison's cord as she walks into the kitchen.

"Jane?"

The brunette jumps and spins, and the cuff around her neck tightens and pulls her backwards, the way it is programmed to. Her sudden move makes Madison jump too, and her neck cuff jerks back a little, making her cry out.

"Ow!" her hands fly up to it, to pull at it, but Jane get's there first, grabbing the child's wrists.

"No!" she says quickly, holding them both still. "No, Maddie, remember what I taught you? Remember the rule?"

Madison's pale green eyes stare up at Jane, and they sit for almost 30 seconds before the cuffs start to loosen.

"G-gentle steps, easy breath," Maddie says quietly. "You were making so much noise, Jane. Why are you upset?"

Jane takes a couple of deep breaths just because she can. "I'm sorry, kiddo. I got frustrated," she says, and she reaches out to rub the little girls back absently. "I just got frustrated," she repeats.

Madison nods wisely, but doesn't speak. She sits down at the dining room table, in the chair closest to where Jane is standing.

"What time is it?" she asks quietly.

Jane tries to hold in a sigh, but she is not entirely successful. She'd thought that they'd gotten over this. This asking of questions that she doesn't know the answer to.

"I don't know, kiddo," she says, like she always used to in the first few days. "You feel sleepy?"

Madison shrugs and dips her head. The cord pulls and catches, right before she can rest her chin in her hand.

"You can nap on me in the hall if you want." Jane says, moving so she can tug a little at the tie. It resists her, and retracts the way a seatbelt would resist impact, but she holds it firm until it gives a little, so as not to cause the kid any unnecessary pain. She looks down to see Madison looking up at her with heavy lids.

"I don't think he gets home for another hour or two, Maddie, and even then it could be another four before he changes our track to the upstairs one."

Madison looks back down at her hands, like she's contemplating. Then she lifts her arms up to the brunette, and Jane picks her up and carries her into the hall.

In her head, she refers to the hallway as homebase. It is neutral territory. They have the most give here, because they are directly under the set of pulleys that runs their cords around the downstairs of the house. If Jane sits, and Madison sits on her, they can both lean back against the wall and rest a little.

Now, Jane carries the girl into the hall, and kneels down slowly, resting the little head on her shoulder. She can feel Madison beginning to get heavier already.

"That's it, kid...take a nap. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Maddie yawns. "Tell me a story?"

Jane bites the inside of her cheek. "'Bout what?"

"Uhmmm," Jane feels her rub at her eyes, "The time you were a detective and you and Chilly saved that little girl from that bad guy."

Jane sighs. She wishes she hadn't told that story. It was one of their first nights together, back when Madison wasn't talking, and Jane was still optimistic enough to think they'd be out within 48 hours.

"Okay," she says, pretending to sound gruff, "first of all, his name is Frost. And second of all, you've heard that one about 100 times."

"I know, Jane," Madison says, sounding like she would laugh, if she weren't about to be asleep. "I just like it when you're grumpy."

Jane can't help but grin too. "What about the time I shut down an entire illegal drag racing ring?"

Maddie yawns. "Did you get to d-drive in a real race car?"

Jane is about to say no, that they just arrested some murderers and called it a day, but Madison pulls away from her shoulder, and looks up at Jane expectantly.

And Jane relents, "yeah," she says, rubbing the little back. "We went real, real fast."

Maddie grins, and her eyes fall shut. "Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"What's it like?"

Jane frowns a little. "What's what like, kiddo?"

"Being out there. Sometimes it feels a little fuzzy. When I remember. What's it like being out there...in cars and stuff?"

It is only because she has been wearing the neck cuff for thirty six days that she does not lurch forward, propelled by her anger and her sadness, and the resulting hopelessness that comes from those feelings.

"You're gonna find out, kid," she says, making sure she holds herself very still. "I promise."

_She can taste blood in her mouth. _

_That is nothing new. _

_On the ground, with her eyes shut, she listens for him. Let him think that she's down. Let him think that she's weak and easily beaten, like every other woman he's probably kicked around. She lies very still and she steadies her breathing. She can hear his shoes on the concrete, circling her, and she prepares herself. It's been over forty eight hours, exactly one hundred and forty four, since the little girl went missing, and without a ransom note, or any contact at all, Jane knows she is probably dead.  
The footsteps get closer, and Jane's hands flex automatically. At least she can kill the sick son of a bitch who destroyed a family. _

_He reaches down and grabs her up by her hair, pulling her to her feet, and Jane opens her eyes, ready to fight. Ready to end it. _

_She's facing away from him, and the first thing she sees is the concrete wall of the basement, the broken window that she climbed through to get here, and, in the corner, nearly obscured by shadow…_

_A small, very pale, very alive little girl. _

"Jane! Jannne! Jane!"

The cry nearly levitates her off the floor, and before she's even fully conscious, she is picking her way carefully across the pitch dark room, feeling for the spot where she'd laid Madison down to go to sleep.

"Shh," she calls, and her fingers finally find the warm skin of a kneecap. "Shh, Maddie, you're alright. Shh, honey, it's okay."

She's never called anyone honey before, but the word slips easily from her mouth as the little girl scrambles into Jane's lap and throws her arms around her neck.

"I want Mommy!" Madison cries into Jane's shoulder, her tiny fingernails digging into her back "I want Mommy so much, Jane, _please!_"  
Jane swallows hard, sitting back on her heels. "I know," she says, hoping that her voice doesn't betray her tears. "I know."

Madison sniffles, calming quickly now that Jane is close to her. In the beginning, it wasn't like that. Madison wouldn't come near her, wouldn't speak to her or sleep when she was nearby. She'd been mistrustful, and Jane couldn't blame her, that young and nearly six days on her own.

It had taken a beating from their captor, one that had been meant for the child but that Jane had taken instead, to bring her around. She can still remember waking up to Madison's tiny fingers on the cut underneath her eye. Those wide green eyes staring fearfully at her.

"It's okay," she'd said then, forcing herself to sit up, even though the world had still been spinning crazily underneath her. "I'm okay… Are you? Did he hurt you?"

Madison had sat back to let Jane right herself, and then had closed the distance between them again, moving to sit in Jane's lap, and though her body had screamed in protest, she hadn't pushed the girl away.

"You're bleeding," Madison had said quietly, tilting her head to look up at Jane's face. "Mommy says put pressure." And then, quite boldly, she had pressed her hand back to Jane's face, and the detective had forced herself not to flinch.

"Thank you," she'd said quietly.

Madison had nodded, just once. "Thank you too."

.

"Jane?" Maddie's voice pulls her out of her memories, and she realizes that the little girl is playing with some of her hair.

"What is it?"

"How long we been here?"

Jane hadn't started avoiding that question until they hit day thirty. She remembers that specific day as the one that broke something inside of her. She pulls the little girl closer.

"A while," she says quietly, and Maddie tugs gently on her hair, but doesn't ask her to elaborate.

"Past July seventeenth?"

This time, Jane doesn't have to lie. She doesn't remember what the date was when she got here. Late May? May twenty second? "I don't know, kiddo. Why?"

Maddie pauses for a moment before saying, "my mommy's birthday is that day," she sniffs and pushes a little closer to Jane. "Did we miss it?"

There is something about the way that Madison says 'we' that makes Jane's eyes fill up with tears.

"Listen, kid...are you listening?"

A nod.

"We might have missed your mommy's birthday. I don't know. I...I'm not sure." Jane feels Madison tightens her grip, and so she does too. It makes her feel less alone. It fills her with something that is like courage.

"But you know what? When you get back to her...when she sees you again, and sees how much...how much you've grown. How long your hair is...when she just _sees_ you again. She's going to feel like it's her birthday a million times over. She's going to be so, so happy to see you."

"She's all alone without me," Maddie says heavily. "Without me who will help her give strawberries to Bass. Or go with her to see the new exhibits at the museum? Who will she talk to at dinner time?"

Jane knows better than to answer those questions. She tries to redirect. "Who's Bass?"

Maddie relaxes against her. "Our tortoise," she says, sounding almost happy. "Mommy got him when he was just a little tiny guy. A long time before me, even, and now he's pretty big…" she trails off, thinking, and Jane closes her eyes, trying to picture the little girl and the turtle and the woman who could be Madison's mother.

She does not think about what that woman, with her green eyes like her daughter, and her dark blonde hair, must be feeling, right at this moment.

"Jane?"

"Mmm,"

"What about you? Is your little girl missing you too?"

Jane blows out a puff of air to get her hair out of her eyes. "No, kiddo. I don't have any kids."

Madison straightens to look at her, and Jane can feel her gaze, even if she can't see it.

"No kids?"

"Nope."

"Why?"

Jane leans back against the wall, sighing deeply. The truth, which she cannot tell Madison, is that she'd never wanted kids. She'd always figured she'd be a horrible mother, wedded to her job, an inanimate object incapable of loving her back. And the thought of letting down a child by not caring for her as much as something that wasn't real? That couldn't love back? That frightened Jane to no end.

But she sighs again, holding these words inside. "I don't know," she says instead. "I work pretty hard, and...I guess it just...never happened."

"Mommy works hard too. She is a doctor."

Jane nods. "I remember you told me that. What kind of doctor is she?"

"She works on people's hearts. She wears a mask and touches people's hearts with her actual fingers. And after she's touched them, they are better. They beat right."

Jane finds herself smiling. She runs her fingers through Madison's hair, and the little head falls heavily against her chest. "Go to sleep kiddo. You know it's only a couple hours until we get put back on the track downstairs."

Maddie wraps her arms around Jane's waist and gives her a squeeze, before crawling off her lap, and over to the blanket where she sleeps.

"Jane?"

"Mmm."

"Will you lie with me until I fall asleep?"

Jane smiles and feels her way over to where Madison has curled up. She lies down on her side, and at once the little girls rolls into her, sighing.

"When we go home, Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"You should be a mommy. Okay?"

Jane bites her lip, draping an arm protectively over Madison's tiny body.

"Go to sleep, Maddie," she whispers.

"Say okay, Jane."

Jane closes her eyes, but one tear manages to escape. It drips down her nose and drops to the ground.

"Okay."

…

_The first time the collar constricts around the detective's neck, it makes the edges of her vision go dark and fuzzy. _

_He's home. The man who calls himself Reagan. Their captor. _

_It's the first time he's been home in several days, and he's brought three grocery bags of food with him, and when Madison sees the bags she runs at him, unable to help herself, elated at the prospect of eating. _

_And as she nears him, and reaches for the bag closest to him, he pulls back and hits her, knocking her to the ground, and the combined blow of his hand and the tightening of the collar make her cry out and then start to cough. _

_"Don't hit her!" Jane yells, running forward too. But her own collar constricts and holds her back, her hands shooting to her neck. _

_She can hear him chuckling, even as she drops to her knees. _

_"You know," he says coming to kneel by her. "I would change my attitude if I were you...unless you like to go unconscious every few minutes." _

_She lunges at him, wanting to wrap her fingers around his throat, but the collar tightens more, and she drops to her hands and knees, trying to breathe. _

_"Stop moving," he says calmly, "and it will loosen. Didn't you ever have a chinese fingertrap as a child?" He waits, and when she does not stop thrashing, he stands up and kicks her in the ribs, knocking her to the side. "Stop. Moving," he orders again. This time, Jane has no choice. _

_She lies on her side, where he's kicked her, and gradually, she can feel the collar loosening. _

_When she is free enough that she can suck in a deep breath, she hauls herself to a sitting position and looks around for Madison. _

_The girl has crawled to a corner, is sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest, head buried in her hands. _

_Jane stands on wobbly legs. It has been four days since her last meal...when Reagan disappeared, she began to give her portions to the child. _

_"She's hungry," she growls at him now. "She's barely had anything to eat in days. You just left us here. Barely any food, barely any water." _

_"You mean to tell me you don't like your new home?" he gestures around the little kitchen. "You have free roam of the place, as far as your collars will allow, that is. Can't have you too close to the doors or the windows, the cabinet where all the knives are...but surely...you have enough space to move about, within reason." _

_"This is not a home," Jane says, and she has no choice but to withstand the slap to the face. It is that or duck and be punished by the collar for the sharp movement. _

_"This is your home," he says lowly, "And the girl's. And we are going to sit down at the table and have a nice meal. As a family." _

_Jane stares at him. "What if I don't?" _

_He smiles then, a mean, malicious smile that makes her feel sick. "Then you listen while I beat the girl." _

_She blinks, and his smile widens. "I know all about you, Jane Rizzoli. I know all. About you. Now get her and sit down, so we can eat together. The way normal families do." _

_And Jane walks slowly over to where Madison is curled up, and lifts her into her arms. _

_"Jane," the whisper is small, right by her ear, and she just barely nods to show she is listening. _

_"Don't leave me, Jane. Please." _

_And under the guise of kissing the side of Madison's head, Jane turns and whispers back. _

_"Never." _

…...

Sirens.

Jane registers the sound before she's fully awake. Police sirens. An ambulance. Fire truck.

Jane sits up quickly and the collar gives her a warning jerk. Just a reminder.

But Jane barely registers the pain. She sits up and looks down at Madison, still sleeping silently beside her.

_Don't wake her, _she thinks blurrily. _Don't wake her until you know._

She tries to stay calm and rational, but the sirens are getting louder, not receding, and she can distinctly hear all three types. She tries to steady her breathing. How many days have they been here? Is it possible that they are going to be found?

She looks to the marks on the wall above Madison's head. She'd stopped making them days ago, maybe even a week, but a quick count shows that there are 72 little grooves in the wood. Seventy two days plus some...plus seven? Eight?

Jane's heart races against her ribcage.

That's nearly three months.

The sirens outside are blaring. They are not going anywhere.

"Maddie," Jane bends down to whisper in the little girl's ear. "Madison. Wake up, honey."

The green eyes open, but Madison stays still. She is now used to the slow movements that are needed in order to keep her from choking. She does as Jane has taught her: Open your eyes, assess the situation, act accordingly.

"Jane?" she looks up into Jane's face, her own expression slipping into one of fear and confusion. Jane knows she must look a little bit wild with hope, but she cannot help herself.

"Hear that noise, little girl? Hear that? Those are sirens. Those are police sirens. They are really, really close."

Maddie's eyes widen. "Help?" she barely says the word, and she stays still on the bed, waiting for instruction. "Jane?"

"I don't know," Jane whispers. "I don't know...but something. It has to be some-"

Downstairs, the front door slams, and both woman and girl tense and fall silent.

"Fucking shit!" she hears Reagan roar from downstairs. "No! God damn son of a bitch!" Jane hears him stomp through the house, still swearing, hears him stop at the foot of the stairs, hears the jangle of keys that signals he is going to come up and switch their track.

Or…

"Jane!" Maddie's panic whisper is loud in her ears, and she turns back to the bed and holds out her arms. Maddie moves forward.

"Slowly," she says quietly, "slowly...good."

She has just closed her arms around the child and ducked her head over the dirty blonde curls when the door bursts open and he storms in, looking furious and wild…and carrying a gun.

"Get up!" He bellows.

And Jane moves to stand slowly with the girl in her arms, but he reaches out and yanks her arm forward and she staggers.

The collar tightens.

"What...is-" she begins, but he rears back and back hands her hard across the face.

"Shut up." He hisses, dragging her towards him. "Hold still." He uses the hand with the gun to tilt her head away from him so that her neck is exposed.

In her arms, Madison whimpers.  
"And you shut up too you little shit," he growls, fitting a key into the cuff around Jane's neck. "I don't know how they fucking found us. I don't know how they...I don't know...but we've got to get the hell out of here. We've gotta go."

Jane feels the collar around her neck release. She swallows, and the pressure of the metal against her throat is gone. She opens her mouth, but before she can say anything, the cold barrel of the gun is pressed firmly against her temple.

Madison grips her tightly around the neck.

"Listen," Reagan growls in her ear. "You move, and I blow your brains out. Then I blow the kid's brains out. Get it?"

She doesn't move. "Yes," she says, her voice hoarse. "I get it."

"You want to live," he breathes into her ear, "You live my way. With me. Understand?"

"Yes," she says, hoping that he can hear the hatred dripping from her voice. "I understand."

"Turn the girl," he growls, and Jane shifts Madison so that the back of her collar is within his reach.

He presses the gun harder into her skull for leverage as he fiddles with the key that will release the child from the cuff. Madison whimpers against Jane's shoulder, and the detective hopes that she can feel her fingers in the hollow between her shoulderblades. She hopes that there is some comfort there.

And then she is free. They are both free.

And Reagan grabs her by the hair, and sticks the gun up under her chin, and drags them into the hall towards the stairs. But they have not gotten halfway down the first flight when the amplified voice comes ringing through their walls.

"Reagan Whitehall, Boston Police. FBI...You have thirty seconds to come to the door with your hands on your head."

Reagan freezes on the stairs. In her arms, Madison cries out.

"Mommy! Mommy!"

"Shut Up!" He screams, and he throws Jane downwards by her hair, spinning to point the gun at her.

She rolls so she is on top of Madison, shielding her instinctively, and the edges of the stairs cut into her shins.

"Don't do this," she says. And she doesn't know if she's screaming, or if that was just a whisper.

"Reagan Whitehall!" the voice comes again, and the man turns and spins towards the bottom of the stairs, his gun pointing shakily downwards, at the front door.

"STAY AWAY!" He screams, "STAY AWAY OR I'LL BLOW THEM TO PIECES. I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL KILL THEM."

And in that moment, while he's facing away from them, his attention diverted, Jane gathers Madison up into her arms, and scrambles back the way they came, up the stairs.

She is nearly to the top when Reagan turns back towards them, and sees that they are gone. He raises his gun with a cry of fury, and fires twice, before starting after them.

Madison screams.

Jane feels one of the bullets tear through her shoulder.

The hallway in front of her goes dark for the space of a second.

"Jane!" Maddie is shrieking, and her shoulder is screaming with pain. She does not know how she manages to carry the little girl back into the room where they sleep. She slams the door behind her and then spins the lock until she hears the click, far away, like an echo.

"Jane!" Madison is hyperventilating, panicking, her hands are around her neck, and she bounces up and down on her feet, like she's waiting for the tightening of a collar. "Jane! We're free. You're bleeding! Jane! Is help here?"

Like an answer to Madison's question, the magnified voice comes again. It is deep and gruff, and so familiar that Jane wants to cry.

"Listen Reagan, we got you surrounded. You don't want to do anything stupid. You don't want to kill the only bargaining chips you got."

Korsak.

Jane's legs are shaking, but, she realizes dimly, that could be from bloodloss. She sinks to her knees, putting her hand up to her shoulder, and pulling it away dripping red.

"Maddie," she says, and the child is there, by her side instantly.

"Help is here," the little girl says tearfully. "Help is here, Jane."

Yes. two stories down, and probably convinced that they are dead. "Maddie," she says, but the rest of the words won't come. No plan will form in her head. Like the little girl before her, she finds her hand drifting up to her neck. Is it true? Is she free?

"M-Mommy...s-says to p-put pressure, Jane," Madison stutters, her light eyes full of tears. She moves forward and puts her hand against Jane's shoulder, and it hurts, but the pain is secondary, because no sooner has Madison pressed her tiny hand against Jane's wound, then there is a terrible thunk against the bedroom door.

"Jane!" Reagan cries, and his voice is furious and...scared. "Jane. You remember what I said. You come with me and you live. You stay here. You die. The kid dies. Game over."

Jane pulls her bloody hand through her hair and looks up, over Madison's shoulder at the boarded up window. It's a shoddy job, with cracks showing some of the light from outside, and one of the boards hanging from just one bent, rusty looking nail. But it doesn't matter, because their collars never let them get close enough to touch it anyway.

Their collars.

Their…

Another thunk sounds from the hallway, and the door behind Jane shakes as Reagan throws himself against it. He does it again, and she can feel the wood shudder and creak, starting to give way.

"I'll kill you!" He screams,and somewhere, further off, there is the sound of another door splintering. More shouting.

It could be a SWAT team, she thinks blearily. They could be coming in.

But Reagan throws himself against the door again, and she feels the wood against her back splinter, and she knows they aren't going to make it in time.

She stands, and Maddie stands beside her, looking up at her. Terrified.

"Jane?"

The window.

"Jane?"

They're free.

"Maddie, come here," she reaches down and grabs the little girl up into her good arm. "Cross your arms and tuck your head under my chin," she says, and Madison does what she is told without question.

Jane staggers across the room, and as Reagan throws himself against her door again, she throws her own body into the boards against the window. The pain nearly knocks her unconscious.

"Jane?"

Could she do it?

"Whatever you do, don't wrap your hands around me. Madison. Do you understand? keep your body on mine. Don't hold me."

She wraps her own arms around Madison's back, the wound in her shoulder making her tear up.

Could she do it? The time is now. Is she brave enough?

She looks down at the little girl, eyes shut tight against her. She thinks of the woman from the newspaper, her eyes bright with tears, holding the jacket Madison was wearing the day she disappeared. Holding a fluffy brown teddy bear.  
She thinks of the way the woman had looked at the camera's, every emotion etched into her face.

"Keep tucked in," she says, and she feels Madison try to make herself smaller.

Is she brave enough? Can she do it?

Just do it.

"Jane!" Maddie's eyes are huge, and Jane looks where she's looking in time to see Reagan leveling his gun at her through the splintered remains of the door, his eyes wide and malicious.

"No!" Maddie screams tucking her head into Jane's chest.

And with one last push of effort, Jane forces them out through the second story window

and launches them into the sky.


	2. Chapter 2

Not the sidewalk.

Don't spread arms out. Hold on to her.

Twist the body sideways.

Look up at the sky. Face up. Look up!

Hold her.

Not the sidewalk. Please not the sidewalk.

Is that her screaming? Who is screaming?

Please let there be grass down there.

Twist! Hit the ground first. Then the girl.

God.

If there is a God.

Please not the sidewalk.

Please.

_Please. _

…

* * *

…

She opens her eyes.

Everything is white and silent and calm.

She's dead.

The realization hits her hard, like a pound of bricks on her chest. She died. She's dead. Her life is over.

She tries to shake her head and it doesn't move. She tries to will herself back into life, but nothing happens. She is immobile and mute, staring up at the long expanse of white that can only be the entry way to heaven. Is she going to heaven? Maybe this is hell. Lord knows she might be destined for that place instead. She blinks, and the edges of the white start to glow. They pulse and glow around the edges like a white fluffy lampshade, and maybe this is purgatory. Did the little girl make it? If she did that has to count for something. Surely she can't be condemned to hell if she saved the life of a...but wait.

She blinks again and the fluffy whiteness seems to be moving, the glowing seems to be shifting and changing and..she is looking...she is looking up at….at a cloud.

She is looking up, from the ground….

At a cloud.

"CLEAR!"

The world comes wailing back to life. Now everything is noise and chaos and panic. Layers of noise. Sirens and screaming and the pounding of feet. Noise on top of noise and, and _pain_, and jane longs for the silence from before, the moment when none of her senses seemed to be working.

"Nnnngh," she manages, and at once there is a hand on top of her hand. It hurts to have it there, but when she tries to pull away, she is met with such a fantastic spasm of pain that she is sick. She tries to turn her head to the side.

It doesn't go.

"Shit!" a voice says, "She's vomiting over here, can we get her on her side so she doesn't fucking choke to death!"

That voice. She knows that voice.  
Jane tries to open her eyes so that she can see his face, but another wave of nausea overtakes her and it's all she can do to stay conscious.

"Hang in there, Janie," the voice says. "Hang in there, Jay, we got you. Jesus H...Just hang on okay? We're gonna get you to the hospital and they're gonna make you as good as new...just...don't give up."

Voices, overlapped with voices and underscored by pain. She shuts her eyes, hoping that it will dim everything, but instead the throbbing over her body seems magnified, white hot neon bolts of pain shooting across the dark expanse of her eyelids.

"Uhhhhnnn," she groans, and the hand over hers squeezes, which makes her want to vomit again. Or cry.

"Okay, fellas, on my count. One, two, and…"

"Jane!"

That cry. It makes her eyes fly open.

"Jane!"

Madison.

She tries to sit up, but her whole body is on fire. Is she okay? she feels her eyes clamp shut at the pain that rockets around her skull.. Is Maddie still trapped in that house? For a moment Jane remembers herself weightless in the sky, propelled forward by her legs, out, away from the windowsill.

Wonderfully weightless, before she'd started to fall.

Had all of that been a dream?

"Jane!"  
"Maddie, darling, don't! You have to let the EMTs do their wor-"

"Ma'am if you can't keep your daughter back, we're going to have to-"

"_Jane!" _  
Madison is crying. Jane can hear it in her voice. Is she hurt? Why is no one helping her? She tries to tell them, but her tongue feels too big for her mouth. Her hands don't obey her.

"Madison, sweetheart, you have to come over here, these people have to look at your-"

"Jane!" Right up close to her face. She can feel the girl's breath on her eyelids. "Jane _please._ Open. Your. _Eyes!" _

Only that command, from that little girl would make it possible for Jane to obey. She forces herself to open her eyes and there she is.

Madison looking down at her, her features contorted in terror, tears dripping down her face. "Jane!" She cries, and the detective wants to gather her into her arms and reassure her that everything is okay. That everything is going to be okay.

She blinks, and tries to smile, but her jaw feels like it's been slammed against concrete. She feels like all her teeth are loose and on the verge of falling out of her mouth.

Frost's hand on hers is replaced by Madison's tiny fingers slipping into her palm. They don't squeeze, but trace the lines there carefully.

"Please," she can hear the little girl whispering by her ear. "Please be okay. Please please please."

Madison puts her palm against Jane's, and the detective uses all of her energy and willpower to curl her fingers around the little hand.

She hears Maddie make a sound like a hiccup, maybe in surprise. But then whatever she is lying on is lifted up into the air, and shuttled forward, and she feels a sharp stabbing pain on the inside of her elbow.

And then everything is dark.

…

…

She opens her eyes to see Frankie dozing in the chair next to her, his feet propped up on the foot of her bed. He looks exhausted, with circles under his eyes, and one of his tennis shoes half on his foot.

Tentatively, she tries her arms, surprised and relieved when they obey, her hands coming up to rub at her face, which feels tight and bruised and sore.

"Frankie," she croaks, realizing as she speaks that she is very thirsty. "Frankie...wake up."

Her brother's eyes shoot open and he looks around, momentarily disoriented, before he seems to remember where he is, and why.

"Jane...Jane! Shit!" He leans forward and reaches for her hand. "You're awake! You're awake and you know my name!" He looks relieved and happy and a little bit teary.  
Jane closes her eyes so he can wipe discreetly at his own.

"Did I not know your name?" She asks, and when she feels him hesitate, she shakes her head, even though it makes her feel like she might throw up. "Don't tell me," she amends. "I had a lot of LSD type dreams, and I don't want to know what was real and what wasn't."

She cracks an eye to look at her brother, who is looking down at his hands. "Hey," she says, a little gentler. "I'm talking, right? I know who you are...It can't be all bad, right?"

Frankie looks like he's going to argue with her, and then decides against it. He bends down underneath his seat and pulls out a plastic tin. He pops the lid open and Jane can smell something garlicky. Her mouth waters. How long has it been since she had actual solid food? Her teeth feel loose inside her mouth.

Frankie looks at her guiltily. "Sorry, I can wait until-"

But she shakes her head and smiles. "Ma was here," she says, and Frankie nods.

"Took Tommy and Frost _and _Korsak and me to convince her to go home. We all took turns sitting with you."

"Aw, you guys took turns crying at my bedside? I bet Ma's been a wreck." Jane tries to turn the words into a joke, but her ribs won't let her laugh, and Frankie doesn't even crack a smile.

"Yes," he says seriously. "Yes, Jane, she has been. We've all have been. We've all been sitting by your bedside and we've all been a little teary. Do you know how long you've been out of it?" Now that she is lucid and awake, it seems that Frankie has dropped his fear and his grief for anger. She doesn't blame him. "I can't believe you did that, Jane. Do you have any idea what it looked like? What the hell were you thinking?"

Jane closes her eyes and reminds herself that she cannot sigh without a great deal of pain. "I was thinking I didn't want to get shot," she says darkly. "I was thinking I didn't want the kid to get killed."

The mention of Madison makes her heart hurt.

"SWAT was there."  
"SWAT was downstairs, and unless they've changed the protocol for clearing houses, or they've given each agent a suit that allows them to move faster than the speed of a bullet, they were never going to make it in time."

Frankie doesn't respond, and Jane lets her head fall back against the pillow. "Stop acting like this is something I did _to _you," she says.

Frankie takes a deep breath, holds it for a couple seconds and then lets it out. "I'm sorry," he says quietly, and Jane sees his shoulders slump a little bit. "I'm sorry, Jane. I don't...I can't imagine the kind of hell you went through for the past eighty six days. You just gotta understand that being out here without you...not knowing what had happened to you or where you'd been...that was our own sort of hell too. Especially watching Ma try to...I don't know, _function_, without you." Frankie leans forward a little in his chair. "She might come in here and give you a hard time, Jane...but she was lost without you. We all were."

Silence.

Jane listens to the gentle beep of her heart monitor. She looks away from Frankie and out the window of the hospital room. It is late August, and the sky is a brilliant luminescent blue, bright and inviting. It had been grey and cloudy when they'd found her at Whitehall's house out on the outskirts of the city, but today it is bright and blue and cloudless. Like the weather itself is celebrating her awakening. "How long have I been here?" She asks, trying to sound like she really wants the answer.

"Three weeks," Frankie says quietly. "The doctor's didn't know what to expect when you woke up, Jane." She hears Frankie say the words, but she can't really make them process in her mind. It does not seem possible that three weeks of her life have disappeared without her knowledge.

"Shit," she says quietly. "I'm sorry."

Frankie sighs heavily like, 'of course you are, but you'd do it again in an instant and so your sorry means nothing'.

"Jane," he begins, but she shakes her head once, and closes her eyes, suddenly too tired to do anymore thinking.

...

_"GO!" He shoves her down the stairs so hard that she almost loses her balance. "Get out. Get out! If you don't want to be a family then fine. Fucking fine! Get out!" _

_He shoves her again and she staggers, not used to moving so quickly. He snorts and moves past her, pulling open the front door of the house and then stepping back. _

_"Go!" He says for the fiftieth time. "Isn't this what you wanted? You want to leave here, so leave?" _

_Jane looks at him for a full ten seconds, and then shifts her gaze to stare, squinty eyed, into the bright afternoon sun...and her freedom. Her collar is off for the first time in over a month. He has stepped away from the door. He is letting her go. _

_She takes a step towards the door. _

_He's letting her go. _

_"GET. OUT." He bellows, and she takes another step, and then another. He makes no move to stop her. _

_The soft 'thhp' of a cord on a line reaches her, and she tears her eyes away from the door to look around. _

_Madison has come into the front hall, her index finger pushed up into the space between her collar and her neck, a feeble attempt to keep it from hurting. _

_Her eyes widen at the open door and the sunny day, but she looks at Jane, waiting for instruction the way she's been taught. _

_The way Jane has taught her to do. _

_Reagan seems to hear the sound too, because he turns to her, grinning maliciously. "Say goodbye to you friend, little girl," he growls. "In fact...say goodbye to everything." He reaches for her, and before she can process a single thought Jane has hurled herself away from the door, launching herself at Reagan, knocking him off his feet._

_"Stay still," she screams at Madison. "Don't move." _

_And even when Reagan nearly regains his feet and reaches for the child again, she obeys, tears dripping down her cheeks to her chin. _

_The beating is mercifully short, and he has nothing on hand but his fists and his boots. She hasn't eaten well in days, and he outweighs even a healthy her by a solid one hundred pounds, so before she knows it, he has his knee placed squarely on her spine, and is fitting the collar back around her neck. _

_"Say it," he growls in her ear. _

_Jane coughs and spits onto the floor. _

_He grabs her hair and yanks her backwards, knee still pressing her stomach into the floor.  
"SAY IT, or you watch her die, and you and I can live together forever under the weight of what you've done." _

_Jane looks at Madison's sock feet, unmoving barely ten feet from her. If Reagan lets Jane go and grabs her, Madison will stay put through the whole thing...because Jane has told her to. _

_"I love...our family," she growls. "I love being here...I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." _

_He grumbles, and gives her hair one last yank before standing up and moving to shut the door, sliding the deadbolts into place. _

_"There's food in the refrigerator," he says heading up the stairs. "I want dinner in an hour." _

_As soon as he has disappeared, Maddie starts to cry in earnest, still standing like a statue in front of Jane. _

_"I'm okay," Jane says… "I'm okay...come here, __slowly,__" Madison walks carefully over to Jane and sets herself down in the detective's lap. She clings to the collar of Jane's shirt and sniffles, not saying anything.  
Jane moves a hand to wipe at her split lip, and then wipes her fingers on her jeans before pulling them through Maddie's hair. _

_"Okay...you're okay...we're okay." _

_Madison holds tighter. Jane bends slowly to kiss the top of her head. _

_"A couple more minutes and then I have to get up and make us something to eat." _

_"Jane?" _

_"Yeah, baby?" _

_"Were you gonna leave me?" _

_Jane shuts her eyes for a moment. Was she? Cowardice tastes like rust in the back of her throat. _

_"No," she says, aware that she might be lying. "No. I promised I'd be here until you got back to your mother." _

_"Promise?" _

_"Yes." _

_"Jane?" _

_"I'm right here," Jane says it, but suddenly the little body doesn't feel so heavy in her arms anymore. "Madison?" _

_"Jane!" _

_"Maddie!" the detective tries to sit up, but something holds her back. Her hands shoot up to her neck, feeling for the collar. _

"Maddie!"

"Jane! Janie! Wake up! Wake up!"

Jane jerks away with another cry, this time in pain, looking around wildly. Everything is blurry, and she feels sweaty and disoriented. There is a hand on her shoulder and someone's fingers around her wrist. She doesn't want them there.

"No! Madison!" She tries to jerk away but it makes her feel ill. The room spins.

"Jane!" It's a woman's voice, a familiar one, but Jane is still half in her nightmare cannot fully place it. "Honey, you have to calm down. You have to lie still."

"Madison," she says again, but her arms are empty. The child is gone.

Someone is leaning forward next to her, stroking her hair out of her face. Someone is saying her name over and over, and as the nightmare fades and her vision clears, she realizes it is her mother.

Her mother placing her cool hands on either side of Jane's face and whispering. "She's okay. She's okay, Jane...breathe. Breathe honey."

"Ma," she says weakly, and for a moment, relief overtakes her. She is okay, Madison is okay. It was just a dream.

A new voice speaks to her from the opposite side, making her jump, and then wince, "Jane? Can you relax your neck for me? Can you try to relax the muscles in your neck and shoulders, please?"

Angela leans back, deferring to the doctor, and Jane shifts her eyes to take the woman in. She's tall and dark skinned, with black hair that falls braided past her shoulders.

"Hi, Jane," she says smiling. "Welcome back."

Jane grins weakly. "Yeah...thanks...my brother told me it's been a while."

The doctor consults her chart. "Twenty three days," she says, nodding. "Actually, for the number and type of injuries you sustained, it was really a blessing in disguise. We could keep you immobile, and thereby allow a lot of your smaller fractures to heal on their own...without a full body cast."

Jane catches sight of her mother's strained expression, and reaches out to take her hand. "You say 'a lot of my smaller fractures' like I had hundreds of them," she says, trying again to add some levity to the conversation.

The doctor looks back down at her chart. "Nearly," she says after a moment, "but no. Not quite."

Angela bursts into tears. Frankie looks at her angrily.

"Aw," she says, trying to suppress the gasp of pain that threatens when her mother squeezes her hand. "Ma...I'm fine...I'm okay."

But Angela cries harder, bending to rest her head on the bed. "You're not, Janie!" she cries into the sheets. "You're not...your head was fractured and your shoulder and your wrist! Your hips were shattered up, and I don't know what you were thinking! What could you have been thinking?"

Jane tries to swallow past the lump in her throat and is not entirely successful. "I was thinking that I had to save her, Ma," she says, her voice catching. She looks around at the doctor, making her mouth ask the question. "Did I? Did I save her? Is Madison okay?"

The doctor smiles at her. "Yes, detective," she says with a nod. "You did. She didn't even need to be kept overnight. A bit of a neck strain from whiplash, but...you protected her phenomenally."

Frankie nods, sounding a little reverent as he says, "yeah...you twisted in the sky like...like…"

"But your back!" Angela wails, cutting him off. "Your head! Your shoulders."

Jane opens her mouth, but the doctor cuts her off. "Those are all things that will heal, Mrs. Rizzoli. Jane's injuries are all things that can heal. She's relatively young, and very healthy. If she's willing to do the work, we'll have her back up on her feet in a couple of months."

Angela's chin quivers as she looks up at her daughter, "I just...I thought I'd lost you. I don't know what I'd have done if…"

Again it is the doctor that answers, smiling at Jane. "So you know what it would have been like for that other woman...to lose her daughter at the age of six," she says gently. "You should be proud that you've raised a daughter who understands that bones heal. The loss of someone you love does not."

Angela blinks, considering this, and Jane mouths 'thank you' at the doctor.

The woman winks at her.

…

* * *

…

The days are monotonous, tortuous. They are endless hours of pain and sweat and grueling, dogged, work.

She can sit up for more than ten minutes without her face contorting in pain. Her shoulder blades stop feeling like they have been smashed in with bricks, and her hips stop keeping her awake at night. She does cognitive exercises on paper for the neurologist, and then on a computer screen for the neurosurgeon, and her headaches lessen and the sensitivity to light goes away.

All her doctors comment on how strong she is, how fast a healer, and she smiles at them and wiggles her toes, pointing to the places along her legs where she still feels pain.

But she can't stop thinking about Madison.

"You're gonna get back on your feet," Korsak tells her over a subdued game of slapjack meant to stimulate her neural pathways. From his seat in the corner of the room, Frost nods.  
Jane puts her card face up on the table, and Korsak does the same. An ace and a four. They repeat the motion.

"I was thinking last night," she says carefully, making sure that her voice does not carry too much hope. "It's been nearly a month and a half. I can't walk, but I don't look like a reincarnated corpse anymore…" She trails off, and looks up in time to see Korsak and Frost trade glances.

"What?" she asks nervously.

They both look at her with twin expressions of innocence. "What?" Frost parrots evasively.

"No, no," Jane says, shaking her head slowly, "I fractured my skull, maybe bounced my brain around a little, but I'm not an idiot. What was that look for?" She gestures between the two of them.

"You guys don't think I should see Madison?"

Frost looks away, and Korsak swallows. "Look, Jane," he begins, "It's not that we don't think you should see her-"

"Is it Ma? Does Ma think I shouldn't? Because I know she's trying to do what's best for me but"

"No," Korsak cuts in. "No, Jane...she agrees. She thinks that you should be able to see Madison too."  
Jane frowns, trying to make sense of this. "Should be? Yes, I should be...so…"

"Her mother is refusing," Frost bursts out from the corner of the room. "She's a doctor, apparently, and she thinks it's best if her daughter tries to get over what happened as quickly and as smoothly as possible."

Jane blinks at him, unable to comprehend the words that he's saying. Not see Madison? Ever?

"But we spent three months together in that hellhole," she says dumbly.

Korsak reaches for her hand, but she jerks back, shaking her head. She hates how her injury and the pain medication make her feel. Slow moving and heavy. Like she's underwater. "Wait...so...she thinks...she doesn't want Madison to see me again? Ever?"

"Not right now, Jane," Korsak says quietly. "Not in the immediate future. She thinks her daughter needs time away from any reminders of the ordeal to get back to a normal-"

But Jane lifts her hand and shakes her head, and Korsak stops.

She can't see Madison. She can't see Madison.

"Jane," Korsak tries again, "I spoke to Dr. Isles. Frost and I...we spent time with her when we were looking for you...She might not understand all the nuances of human emotion and relationships...but she is completely devoted to her daughter," Korsak pauses, but Jane does not look up at him. She doesn't know what she's supposed to say in response to that. She rubs her forehead absently, shutting her eyes.

"She thought she'd lost her little girl, and then, she finally has her back, in her arms, and the kid is screaming for you. That can't have felt good."

Jane looks up sharply. "What?"

Korsak nods, "yeah, when they were loading you into the ambulance...do you remember? It was all she could do to keep Madison from throwing herself onto the stretcher with you."

Jane searches the memory of that day for Madison, but only comes up with white hot pain and scalding black terror.

"Oh," she says quietly. "Well...we spent a lot of time together."

"That's the point," Korsak says gently, "You're a reminder of the nightmare her daughter went through. The one her own mother couldn't save her from."

This stings, even though she knows he doesn't mean it that way. She cannot explain her desire to see the little girl to these men. She can barely explain it to herself. She flips a card from the stack in her hand down onto the table, and after a hard look at her face, Korsak does the same.

A king...and a jack.  
Jane slaps her hand down on the pile, just managing to beat out her former partner.

"Do you think maybe? Down the road a bit?" She asks, trying to sound casual as she gathers the cards up into her hands.

Korsak watches her arrange them into a neat pile.

"Maybe, Jane," he says after a moment. "We just have to wait and see."

…...

So it is just a new type of cage.

Jane knows she shouldn't look at it that way. She knows that she should focus on the fact that she is free. She should concentrate on getting better and getting out of the hospital.

She should…

But she cannot.

The days drip by slowly, agonizingly. She can pull herself up to the sitting position in bed. She can sit in her wheelchair for an hour without aching. She can shuffle a deck of cards.

Her family comes daily. Her mother in the morning, usually with something to eat, and then one brother or the other in the afternoon, usually Tommy, who brings her the newspaper and talks optimistically about the business he's trying to start with his roommate walking dogs.

But one morning, about twenty minutes after her mother has left, she gets a visitor she wasn't expecting.

"Detective Rizzoli?"

Jane looks up from her lap board at the unfamiliar voice.

A woman is standing in the doorway, the hand she used for knocking still pressed against the frame, and Jane knows immediately from looking at her who she is. She has the same green eyes and blonde hair of her daughter.

She looks away so that she's not staring, and nods at the windowsill. "Yeah," she says clearing her throat. "That's me."

She can hear the click of the woman's shoes as she steps into the room. "My name is Dr. Maura Isles...I'm-"

"Madison's mother," Jane cuts her off, nodding again but not looking up. "Yeah, I know. You look just like her." Something occurs to her, she looks up quickly, searching the other woman's face for an answer. "Is she alright?" she asks anxiously. "I thought you wanted to keep your distance from me. Did something happen?"

Dr. Isles' face changes, though Jane can't quite tell to what. "No," the doctor says quickly, "nothing's happened...I mean," she rubs absently at her neck, "I mean...she's not injured. She hasn't suffered any injury since her rescue." This sentence seems to make the doctor relax a little, and she drops her hands to her side. "I just...I wanted to come see you, detective...To thank you."

Jane blinks at the other woman for a long moment before shrugging her shoulders. "Nothing to thank me for," she says gruffly. She feels irrationally angry at the doctor for showing up. For showing up without Madison. She runs a hand through her hair, careful not to jerk her neck.

The doctor stares at the brunette, and Jane looks away, back out the window, so she doesn't have to keep making eye contact.

"I owe you...a great deal," the woman says after a moment. "Her life...mine."

Jane glances at her. "It's my job," she says, and out of the corner of her eye she sees the doctor make an irritable movement with her shoulders.

"It was not your job to nearly shatter your skeletal system to pieces just to save my daughter. There are many law enforcement officers who would not have done that."

Jane blinks at the windowsill, her fingers tightening around the arms of her wheelchair. "It was that or have them wheel her out to you in a body bag," she says bitterly, and the woman in the doorway flinches. "Is that all you came for? To tell me thank you?" It feels good to be angry at this woman. It feels good to be angry in general.

"Yes," she says quietly, her voice a little shaky. "No...I mean...I _did_ come to thank you. I'm not quite sure what I would have done if-" Jane looks up, catching her eye, and the doctor breaks off abruptly. She clasps her hands together, blushing slightly. She does not seem the type to get flustered, and Jane can tell she doesn't quite know what to do with the emotion. She bites her lip, looking down at the floor.

She looks like Maddie would when Reagan would tell her she was worthless.

"What do you want?" Jane asks, and though she means to sound less harsh, she can hear that she just sounds exhausted.

"Well, I...I owe you a great deal, as I said. And I know that it must seem very forward of me to come here and ask you for something more, but I-"

But Jane cuts her off, tired of pretending. "It is very forward, doctor," she says, "It's really, very fucking forward, that you would come here to ask me for something, what, a blow by blow of the eighty six days I spent with your child, a comprehensive list of the injuries she sustained?" The doctor looks very taken aback, but Jane does not care. "You come here wanting something from me, yet you don't want me to have any contact with her. You want to keep her from me like I'm the one who kidnapped and collared her."

Madison's mother flinches, but takes a step forward putting her hands out. "It's nothing against you," she says pleadingly. "I want what's best for my daughter. There have been several studies that show that children as old as eight who are completely removed from a traumatic ordeal, and given the chance to move forward, show no residual signs of post traumatic stress-"

Jane snorts. "Majority? It's sixty nine percent. Sixty nine point three. That's not even three quarters." She grins bitterly at the shock on the doctor's face. "I can read too, Dr. think I was just counting minutes in that house with your daughter? You know her. You think I could spend _one_ day in that situation and not come to...not…" Jane leans back in her wheelchair, trying to ease the throbbing in her lower back. "I care about her," she says after a deep breath, "I care about Madison, no matter how hard it is for you to hear that. If you want to gamble your kid's health on sixty nine point three percent, there's nothing I can do to st-"

"Madison has stopped eating," The doctor cuts her off with a voice that is as close to a yell as possible.

Jane stares at her. "What?"

"She's...she's stopped eating. Just recently. And she's developed several," the woman pauses and seems to search for the right words, "_habits_ that I don't...that I can't find any reason for…" She pauses again, and then straightens, looking Jane straight in the eye. "She cries for you, Detective Rizzoli, and I can't stand denying her any longer." She wrings her hands and looks away for a moment, like what she's about to say is costing her a great deal.

"I was wrong," Dr. Isles says. "I was wrong to keep her away from you and...it would mean a great deal to me if you would see her. I mean," she looks up at Jane again, "If she could come and spend some time with you."

Jane is not sure she fully understands what it has taken for this woman to come and ask this of her, but by the way the doctor avoids her eye and begins to smooth her skirt down nervously in the lingering silence, the detective understands that it must have been a lot.

She waits until the other woman glances at her, and then she nods.

"Yes?" Dr. Isles says, taking a step forward. "You'll see her?"

Jane nods again. Of course she will.

"Of course I will."


	3. Chapter 3

Madison bursts into tears when she sees Jane. She allows her mother to take her rain jacket off of her, and smooth her hair before running up to the foot of Jane's bed and standing there, rocking back and forth and crying.

Jane feels a lump in her throat too.

"Hi, kiddo," she manages.

"Jane, Jane," Maddie says through her tears. "Jane, Jane, Jane."

And the detective realizes what she's waiting for. After each run in with Reagan, Maddie wouldn't come to her until Jane told her she could, until the brunette made sure it was over, and that no harm would come to the child.

That's what she's doing now. Waiting for the OK.

"Come here, honey," Jane says now, and she watches as Madison puts her fingers to her imaginary collar, crawling slowly up onto the bed to sit near Jane.  
When she's close enough, Jane takes the little girls fingers gently in her hand, kissing them.

Maddie cries harder and leans forward, putting her arms tentatively around Jane's neck.

"I missed you," she whispers.

Jane feels one tear roll down her cheek, and she squeezes Madison harder.

"I missed you too."

.

"I have nightmares," the little girl whispers. She's sitting crosslegged on Jane's bed, her whole body leaning forward towards the detective. Her mother has left in order to "let them talk," but Madison's voice still drops to a low, conspiratorial whisper, and Jane smiles gently, and leans forward so that she can whisper too.

"I do too."

Madison looks greatly comforted, and she lets out a deep breath, her shoulders falling with relief. "You do?"

Jane nods. "Totally." It had taken her therapist almost two days to wring this same confession from her, but when she admits it to Madison, it feels like bravery, not cowardice.

"What do you do?" The child asks now. "When he comes and grabs you while you're sleeping."

She has not framed this occurrence as a nightmare, and Jane has to suppress a shudder. It is true. Madison has captured it perfectly. Reagan seems to creep out of the darkness of each night and grab at her. She will wake up heaving and yelling, and more recently kicking until her hips are burning from the exertion and the pain.

"I...try to tell myself that it's not real. I...turn on a light and look around to reassure myself," Jane says slowly. I stay up for the rest of the night.

"Do you cry?" Madison's earnest green eyes look up at Jane, and the detective holds out her hand for the little girl to take. She does immediately.

"Yes," she says after a moment, a confession her therapist has yet to be rewarded with. "Sometimes. But it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel sad and angry and hurt over what happened. I'm sure your mommy has told you that."

Madison nods, and her hand squeezes Jane. "I just...I'm not sure," she says. "I wasn't sure…"

"Wasn't sure of what, kiddo?" Jane asks gently.

"Anything," Madison says biting her lip. "I'm not sure of anything until you tell me."

Jane sits back against her pillows. "Come here," she says. "Slowly," and Madison obeys, picking her way slowly up the bed until she can ease herself into Jane's lap. She presses her head into Jane's chest and sighs, like relief.

Jane feels it too. "Listen," she says quietly, running her hand through the light curls. "Listen...it's okay not to be sure of things. It's going to take some time to feel safe everywhere again...even for me…" Maddie squeezes her a little, mindful of her injuries. "But your Mommy is someone who's just as safe...who's safer even than me," Jane says, and Madison pulls away to look up into the detectives face.

"My mommy?" she asks, looking incredulous.

"Yes," Jane says. "She missed you so much, Maddie, and...she's going to make sure that nothing bad like that ever happens to you ever again."

"She doesn't tell me stories so I'll fall asleep."

"Have you asked her to?"

Madison looks caught. "I...no," she admits.

"Well then how is she supposed to know, kiddo?"

Jane means it as a little joke, but Madison's eyes fill up with tears, and she presses closer to Jane, less mindful now of the brunette's many bruises.

"She doesn't call me kiddo. She won't let me eat just peanut butter sandwiches. I have to walk fast. I'm not allowed to touch my neck...I...I...can't sleep in the hallway when I am tired."

Madison reels these new rules off in a high shaky voice, like she wants to get them all out before she bursts into tears, and indeed, when she is finished, she looks up at Jane expectantly, her lower lip quivering.

Jane's heart feels wrung out.

"Honey...Maddie…" Jane wraps her arms around the little girl and pulls her closer, kissing the top of her head. "She...you...you can't sleep in the hall because you have your own bed in your own room where you would be most comfortable," Jane says finally, tackling the easiest of the rules. "She just wants you to be safe and comfortable, baby, and the hallway isn't a good place to sleep."

"We slept there every day."

Jane grits her teeth. "That doesn't make it a good place. Is your bed scary?"

Madison shakes her head. "It just doesn't feel right."

Jane knows that feeling better than any other, but she swallows hard, trying to stay in the right role. "You have to give it a chance," she says quietly. "You have to give your mommy a chance, Madison. Promise me...okay?"

Madison hesitates. "Can I come back and see you?"

"If you listen to your mother...if you promise to try and tell her when you're scared...or you want help."

"Okay," Madison says, and Jane kisses the top of the little blonde head again.

"Okay."

.

Dr. Isles returns to pick up her daughter ten minutes later, and she's followed into the room by Jane's attending, Dr. Lewis, and her mother.

"Uh oh," she says with an uneasy grin. "I never like to see the two of you show up together."

Dr. Isles glances at Jane, but has eyes only for her daughter. She holds out her arms, stepping closer, and after a glance over her shoulder at Jane, Madison slides down off the bed and lets her mother embrace her.

"Did you have a good visit, darling?" She asks. "How do you feel?"

Madison shrugs, allowing her mother to begin to feed her arms into rain jacket.

"What did the two of you talk about?" Dr. Isles tries again.

Madison shakes her head. "Can I stay a little longer?"

"Jane," Dr. Lewis says, pulling her attention. "Angela and I are here because we need to talk about what happens when you discharge."

"I thought that was weeks away," Jane says, her interest caught. "You saying it's going to be sooner, doc?"

Dr. Lewis smiles. "Sorry, you're still looking at three more weeks of rehab. We need you at least using the walker with confidence before we let you out of our sight."

Jane groans good naturedly, smiling. "So...what's the word?"

"You can't go back to your apartment, Janie!" Angela says, before the Dr. Lewis can even open her mouth again. "At least not right away. So, your doctor and I agree that you'll come home with me when you get discharged. You can stay in Frankie's old room downstairs, and I'll take care of you."

Jane is not smiling anymore. She's sure she looks horrified. She stares between her mother's happy and expectant face to the doctor's amused and sympathetic one.

"No," she says, and for as panicked as her insides feel, she is surprised her voice is so calm.

"Jane," her mother begins, but the brunette is shaking her head.

"No. Nope. No way."

"But why-"  
"I love you, Ma, but I'm not spending my rehab at home with you fussing at me 24/7. I...I'll just go to my apartment and-"

"It's a walk-up, Jane...no way," her mother says. "You wouldn't make it up the first flight."  
"I'll be fine," Jane says, trying not to panic. "I'll-"  
"You can stay with us!" A voice pipes up cheerfully, and before she can do anything more than match the voice with the speaker, Madison has struggled out of her mother's hold and climbed back up onto the bed with Jane, rain jacket half on.

"We have a whole house that you can stay in. No stairs!"

"What?" Jane and her mother and Dr. Isles all speak at the same time.

Madison's eyes are alive with excitement and delight. "Mommy!" she says, turning to look at her dumbstruck mother. "Tell Jane she can stay in our guest home! No stairs!"

Maura looks too shocked to speak, and for a moment, Jane simply watches the panic slide over her features.

"No," she says gently to Madison. "No, kiddo, I can't stay in your...guest house."

The smile slips off Madison's face. "Why?"

There are about a hundred reasons, but Jane is unable to verbalize any of them to a six year old. Because your mother didn't want me to see you in the first place. Because you have a guest house and I have a one bedroom apartment that is probably the size of your bed. Because I think your mother would remove my heart while I was sleeping.

"Because…"

"Because Jane will need someone to take care of her," Dr. Isles cuts in smoothly, smiling at her daughter in a way that is more threatening than kind. "Now, come on, Madison. It's time to go home."

Maddie lowers her chin. "No."

Out of the corner of her eye, Jane sees her mother and Dr. Lewis raise their eyebrows at each other, clearly amused.

Dr. Isles, on the other hand, looks even more taken aback than before. It does not appear that she is used to her daughter pushing back. "Madison," she says carefully. "I promise that we can come back and see Detective Rizzoli very soon. But right now you need to-"

"NO!" Madison says, voice rising. "I don't understand! That doctor says Jane can't have stairs. We don't have stairs in the guest home, Mommy. Why can't Jane stay there? Why can't she?" Madison doesn't wait for an answer. She spins on the bed and throws her arms around the brunette, her whole body shaking with her tears.

"Don't say no, Jane!" she wails. "You promised you'd never leave. Not 'til I was safe. I'm not safe yet. I'm not, I'm not!"  
Jane acts instinctually, wrapping the little girl in her arms and holding her close. "Shh, Maddie," she whispers. "Yes you are. You're okay. Your Mommy's here and I'm here, and everyone is safe and okay. Everything's okay."

"I need you to check the bed for him, Jane!" comes Maddie's muffled voice from the folds of her t-shirt. "Make sure he's not there."

"He's not," Jane says, trying not to cry herself. "I promise he's not."

It takes nearly 20 more minutes, and a hundred more assurances, before Madison will let her mother carry her from the room. Dr. Isles doesn't say good-bye to anyone, she barely looks at any of them as she hurries out the door, and when it clicks behind her, the room is silent, everyone it it, visibly shaken.

It is Dr. Lewis who finds her composure first. "You two went through a lot," she says quietly. "What you feel for that little girl is totally normal, even though she's not yours."

Jane was unaware she needed to hear that until the words are out of the doctor's mouth. She tries to smile, but her mouth barely moves.

"Jane," her mother tries, but Jane holds up her hand, unwilling.

"Please Ma? Not now?" She asks, hoping her tone will convey just how exhausted she is.

And mercifully, her mother lets the subject rest.

.

But Dr. Maura Isles returns four days later, a day earlier than scheduled, and without her daughter in tow.

She bursts into Jane's room, coming up short when she sees that the detective is standing, leaning heavily on her walker, and panting with the effort, but standing.

"Oh," the doctor says, looking around, as if for a doctor or aide. "I didn't realize that you were…"

"Halfway mobile?" Jane grins at her. She is in a good mood today. It hurts less than it ever has to stand, her ankles and knees no longer wobble uncontrollably, and her shoulders and biceps are regaining their strength quickly. She is starting to believe people when they say she is looking better. She feels better.

"It's good, right?" And she is asking the doctor in front of her. "I can get myself up now…" she trails off, glancing behind Dr. Isles. "Is it Thursday?" she asks. "Have I lost a day?"

"No," the doctor says, seeming to come back to herself. "No...I...I came to talk to you myself."

"Okay," Jane says good naturedly, starting to lower herself back into her chair. "Let me just….there we go. What can I do for you, Doctor?" She asks, but doesn't let the other woman finish, her good mood and her optimism making her a little more talkative than usual. "Actually," she continues in the same breath. "I'm glad you came by, because I wanted to talk to you about Madison."

The doctor colors, her lips straightening into one thin line of disapproval.

"We talked a bit, you know, before the whole melt down at the end, and I just...I know it's not totally my place to suggest things to you, you know, for your own kid, but-"

But the doctor scoffs, her eyes flashing. "No. It's not," she says shortly. "It's not your place at all."

Jane blinks, but is not immediately offended. They have all been through a lot. All of them.  
"Right…" she says slowly. "I just thought that-"

"She's gotten worse," the doctor says, and she looks at Jane with an expression that is both imploring and accusing. "Since she saw you. More nightmares, more habits, more crying...You said it would be good for her. The therapist said so too, and I believed you. I should have known better…"

She appears to be talking more to herself than to Jane, but the detective leans forward a little in her seat, trying to bring the doctor back into a conversation.  
"Hey, Dr. Isles, I'm sorry...I...I think it will get a little harder before it gets better and I-"

But the other woman has not stopped talking simply because Jane has started, and she raises her voice as she goes on so that so that when Jane stops talking and tries to listen, she catches the yelled end of the doctor's sentence, harsh and fully accusatory now.

"What did you do to my child?" Dr. Isles cries.

Jane's mouth falls open. Somewhere, in the rational part of her brain, the detective understands that the woman in front of her is scared and worried and overtired.

But at the forefront, blaring like a siren, is the realization that this woman, this god damn, fucking, woman has just accused her of…

"What?" she growls, and if her voice could physically injure, then this word would have left the doctor impaled.

"I…You…" Dr. Isles falters for a second before regaining some of the emotion that had pushed her here in the first place. "She told me you slept with her."

Jane blinks. "Platonically," she says bitingly. "You would rather I'd let him do the biblical translation?"

Maura flinches like she's been hit. "I...she...she won't go near the bed. She wants to sleep in the hall."

Jane wishes she were still standing. She wants to look this woman in the eye.

"You have to check underneath it for bad guys," she says harshly.

"I…what?" The doctor seems confused by this. "There are no bad guys in our home."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jane can't help herself, her good mood is gone. She can feel her anger like a physical being in her chest. "Are you kidding me? Of course they're not real! But her fear is. And by you checking under her fucking bed for non-existent monsters, you're telling her that you understand that fear and you want to help soothe it." She stares at the blonde in front of her, who appears to be considering this. "You seriously don't know what I'm talking about?"

This seems to fire the doctor up again, and she points at Jane angrily. "Don't give me that," she spits, and her voice has every bit as much potential for injury as Jane's did. "My child never had any of these phobias or tics before she came into contact with you. She was never afraid to sleep. She never had such, peculiar dietary needs. She never…she...not until you."

"NOT UNTIL HIM," Jane bellows, and fury and adrenaline push her up out of her seat, where she leans heavily on her walker with one elbow, pointing right back at the doctor. "Not. Before. Him."

"I-" Dr. Isles tries to put in, but Jane talks over her, furious.

"I understand you are upset, Dr. Isles. I understand you are scared, because, from what you've just told me, you were successfully raising a cyborg child before she was abducted, but you cannot blame your daughter's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on me. I told her I had the power to make monsters disappear so that she would sleep without the abstract fear of rape looming over her all night. I made weeks of nothing but peanut butter sandwiches into a game so that she would eat them, and not waste away into nothing. So that she would still have some sort of strength so that WHEN he killed me, she'd have some sort of fighting chance.

"I let her nap in the hallways on my lap because it passed the time, because our downstairs collars were something completely different from our upstairs collars and it could be hours past dark before he decided to switch us. I taught her to do that thing with her fingers. So that when she accidently jerked it, the collar wouldn't choke her until she passed out. I told her stories, I made hand puppets, I tracked how tall she was on the door frame of our prison because it was a normal thing to do. You can be angry that she went through what she did. You can be scared that she'll never fully recover, but you will not fucking assume that I am the one who damaged her. I brought her back to you. The end."

As if on cue, there is a knock on the door, and both women turn to see Dr. Lewis in the doorway, looking a little out of breath. "You're yelling, Jane," she says calmly, though her eyes scan the room and then Jane's frame. "You're yelling, are you alright? Hello, Dr. Isles, is Madison's visit today?"

"No," Jane and the doctor say at the same time. "No," Jane continues. "Dr. Isles was just coming to explain to me all the ways I've fucked her child up beyond belief." If there is a stab of regret for saying this, Jane ignores it. "But I think she's done now...you're done now, right, doctor?"

Maura's eyes are wide and wet, her jaw clenched hard. Without a word, she turns and disappears out the door.

Jane lets herself fall back into her chair, slamming her hand down on the table in front of her with enough force to bring tears to her eyes.

She ignores those too.

…...

Jane is convinced she will never see either of them ever again. She throws herself into her rehab, and grudgingly, she begins to make plans with her mother for her discharge. There is no alternative.

But Maura Isles comes back. A week to the day later, she enters Jane's room without knocking and sets the cup of coffee down on the table next to Jane's bed. "I met Detective Frost coming off the elevator," she says quietly. "He instructed me to pick up some more cream for this."  
Without looking at the doctor, Jane can tell that the other woman is working at a peace offering. She reaches out and takes the cup in her hands.

"Thanks," she says, and then because the doctor looks flustered and uncomfortable, she gestures to the chair opposite hers. "Sit, if you'd like," she says.

Dr. Isles does, looking a little relieved. She waits a beat, but Jane doesn't say anything more.

"I didn't mean to be harsh the other day," the doctor says into the uncomfortable silence. "And I...I certainly didn't mean to imply that you would have ever colluded with that man to...to hurt my-"

"She told me he bathed her," Jane hears the growl in her voice and knows that it will probably be mistaken as hostility, but she can't do anything to change it. She can feel Maura's eyes on the side of her head, staring at her.

"I'm sorry?"

"She said," Jane swallows. "Before I came, he would make her take baths," she looks around to see Maura's face, wide eyed and devoid of color, and rushes to continue. "I don't think that he ever...I mean...she said he didn't…" she gestures too hard with the coffee in her hand and some of it sloshes through the tiny hole in the lid, burning her hand. She doesn't care. "And I swear, once I got there I never let him do anything like that again," Jane dips her head, hoping to catch the doctor's eye. For some reason, it is very, very important to her that this woman understand, that she believe.

"I...I did everything that I could, and I'm not a mother...I don't have kids but I-"

"Took care of my daughter as well as you could, under the circumstances," Dr. Isles says thickly, and Jane stares at her. She sounds like she's crying. "You made sure she had as much nutrition as possible, you tucked her in at night, you...you told her stories to keep her occupied…" She is crying. Jane looks away, feeling uncomfortable. "You did everything you could," Dr. Isles finishes.

"And you hate me for that," Jane supplies, and by the way that the blonde ducks her head and wrings her hands, she knows it is true. But instead of making her angry or upset, she feels slightly relieved. Here is an emotion that she can understand. Here is something she can connected with.

"It's okay," she says offering a smile when the doctor looks up at her, alarmed. "It's okay. I get it. Someone else taking care of your kid. Someone else doing the stuff you should have been."

But Dr. Isles shakes her head, looking miserable. "It's no excuse. I-I shouldn't have been so awful to you," she cries, knotting her hands in her lap. "It shouldn't make me feel...I should be so grateful to you. But all I can do is...is...seethe." She looks at Jane with wide light eyes, like she's afraid of the words that are coming out of her mouth.

Jane blinks, trying to make sense of it. "Because I was good to your kid?" She asks after a moment.

"Because you were better to her!" The doctor bursts out. "You were trapped in a house with a deranged sociopath, and you were beaten and tortured on what seems to me to be a daily basis, and yet you still paid more attention to my daughter than I have. You still took, you took, you…" the doctor seems unable to make herself say the words better care of her, but Jane hears them anyway. She sets her coffee down, because her hands are shaking. There are several ways that she saw this conversation going when Dr. Isles appeared at her doorway, but this is not one of them.

"Hey," she says now, because something about the way Maura bows her head, hiding her tears, pulls at Jane's heartstrings. "Hey...no...I'm sure that's not true," she starts to reach out, and then thinks better of it, curling her hand into a fist at the last moment. "Look, what happened to Maddie and I...what we went through just…it...pushed us together really fast. It was necessity. I had to pay attention to her. It doesn't mean that she cares more about-"

"Of course it does," Maura says bitterly. "You've proven your consistency. You've proven that you care more about her than anything...your health, your safety," she ticks the these things off on her fingers one by one, as if each one is a nail in her motherhood coffin. "You put her to bed every night for three months," she says, and she turns to look at Jane, her eyes bright and wet and really (Jane will think about it later), quite beautiful. "Do you know how many times I've been home to say goodnight to my daughter?"

"Probably every night since she got home," Jane says quickly, and the challenge in her words stops the doctor dead.

Jane takes the opening. "Look, I don't...I'm not pretending to know what kind of mother you were before Madison got abducted. But Korsak told me you were out of your mind with worry. He says there was no expense that you weren't willing to put forward, and that you were at the station hounding detectives daily," she pauses here, but when Dr. Isles doesn't answer, she continues. "Madison never stopped talking about you."  
The doctor looks up, and Jane tries to smile. "She asked about you everyday, and worried about what you would do without her there...who would feed Bass."

The doctor's face crumbles a little bit, and she puts a hand to her face. "I want to help her. I want to be better for her," she says quietly. "But it's too late."

"No," Jane says fiercely, leaning forward. "It's not too late. Your kid is alive isn't she?"

Maura looks up into Jane's face at the words, and then it seems she is unable to look away. She nods.

"You can hold her and tell her you love her and that things are going to be different?"

Another nod. Is it Jane's imagination or is the doctor leaning towards her too?

"And you're going to make good on that promise," Jane says, her voice still low and fierce. "You're going to show her that it's different now. You're never going to take her for granted again."

"No," Maura breathes, not even blinking. "I won't. I promised her."

Jane sits back, finally dropping eye contact. She looks down at her lap, feeling unaccountably embarrassed. "So...then it's not too late," she says. "Not too late."

Silence falls, and Jane sits forward a little to rub at her lower back. She closes her eyes and tries to shut down the memories that are threatening to invade. Maddie with a black eye and split lip, the day Jane arrived. Madison eyeing Jane's sandwich half, her own already gone, until Jane relented and let the little girl finish it. Maddie couldn't run away when their captor returned home in one of his moods. Neither of them could. And so Jane had made the little girl turn around when he came for her. If she couldn't get the child completely out of the way, at least she didn't have to see. Madison, turn around! Cover your eyes, baby, that's it. She'd always willed herself not to make any noise.

She'd always been as quiet as she could possibly bear to be.

"Jane?"

The doctor's voice shakes her out of the past and she lifts her eyes, a little surprised to find that they are wet with the beginnings of tears. She looks away, and blinks, trying to clear her vision.

"Jane," the other woman says again, softer this time.

"I'm fine," the brunette says, because the tone that the doctor is using is usually the precursor to pity, and there is nothing that she hates more. "It just twinges every once in a while...I'm-"

"Straighten your shoulders," the doctor interrupts, authoritatively.

Jane looks at her. "What?"

Dr. Isles sits up straight in her seat, gesturing across the line of her own shoulders to demonstrate. "I can tell from the way you sit that you normally slump your shoulders, but if you want your back to stop feeling like there's teeth in your spinal cord, then you need to straighten your shoulders and sit up."

Jane cannot tell if she is more caught off guard by the matter of fact tone in the other woman's voice, or by the fact that the doctor has just accurately described her pain.

"How did you know it felt like-"

"I'm a doctor," she says, dropping her eyes. "I understand pain."

"You're a cardiologist," Jane says, eyes narrowing a little. "You understand hearts."

This makes Maura look up suddenly, looking shaken, "I understand their anatomical make up, certainly," she says quickly. "I understand how to fix them and how to keep them functioning properly. The rest," She makes a gesture that is close to a shrug. "I am afraid I am woefully in the dark."

Jane pauses for a second, trying to reconcile this harsh, clinical woman, with the vulnerable, emotional mother of just a few minutes ago. Then carefully, she tries to straighten her spine.

Dr. Isles watches her, seemingly surprised that her advice is being heeded.

"It's going to feel uncomfortable for a moment," she says quietly, when Jane hisses in pain. "But it will relieve a lot of pressure in the long run…"

It already feels better, Jane has to admit. She glances at the blonde, sitting in the opposite chair, deliberately not looking at her...giving her space to settle.

"Thank you," she says, and the doctor glances at her, and then away. "It already feels better," she concedes, and Dr. Isles' mouth curls into a shy little smile.

"I'm glad."

More silence, and Jane is just about to try and tell the doctor that she's forgiven and doesn't have to stay, when the blonde takes a deep breath, and turns towards her, setting her hands resolutely in her lap.

"Madison was right," she says firmly, as though Jane has argued.

Jane shakes her head slowly. "What?"

The doctor looks flustered, "No...I mean...the other day, when she said we have a guest house. We do...have one, and it is all one floor."

"Oh," Jane says, and then as understanding dawns. "Oh, no...no Dr. Isles, I couldn't-"

"Please just hear me out," the doctor says, and when Jane falls silent again, she sighs. "It's nearer to your mother than your apartment is...and no one would have to live with you 24/7, so you could still keep the level of independence I know that you cherish."

Jane is shaking her head, trying to fight the way her heart leaps excitedly at spending more time with Madison. This woman hates her. Didn't she just admit it?

"I couldn't ask you to do that," Jane says quickly, putting her hands out. "I couldn't ask you...especially not for a woman you barely know. One who you just admitted makes you angry and uncomfortable."

The doctor doesn't deny either of these emotions, but she furrows her brow disapprovingly at the reminder.

"You'd rather live with your mother, and have her take care of you?"

"No," Jane says, probably a little faster than she should.

The doctor almost smirks. "You'd rather stay here after your insurance ceases to cover you, and pay out of pocket?"

"...No," Jane says, feeling anger and embarrassment creep up the back of her hairline. "But I can't just invite myself into a stranger's-"

"There is little alternative left to you, Detective," the woman says crisply. "And I have invited you, so you are not unwelcome...and we are not strangers." She says this last part slowly, like the realization is dawning on her too. "We have not been strangers since the moment you rescued my daughter."

Jane tries to think of something to say and comes up with nothing.

"Think about it," the doctor says. "I'll bring Madison by tomorrow morning, and we can discuss it further then, if you'd like."

She stands, and heads towards the door, stopping to retrieve her coat from the back of the door. Jane doesn't want her to go. She doesn't want her to stay.

She can't stop herself from calling, "Dr. Isles!" Just as the woman opens the door to the hall. She turns, looking surprised.

"You should call me Maura," she says. "There isn't any need to be formal, especially if you are going to be living in my house."

"Maura," Jane says trying it out, and for a split second, she is graced with the doctor's brilliant smile, sudden and spectacular.

Jane grins too, unable to stop herself. "Okay," she says. "See you tomorrow, Maura."

Dr. Isles, turns away, maybe to hide the return of her smile.

"Yes," she says quickly, as she pulls the door behind her. "You will."


	4. Chapter 4

September 4th, Frost and Frankie help Jane move some of her stuff into Maura Isles' guest house. They drive Jane's beat up Volvo out to Brookline, following the doctor's directions, until they pull up to one of the biggest houses Jane has seen in a long time.

"Holy shit," Frankie says.

"Wowzah," Frost echoes.

Jane doesn't say anything.

They drive around back the way the handwritten notes say, and another, slightly smaller house pops into view.

"Jane," Frost says, turning to look at her seriously. "I think that I also have an injury that does not allow me to use stairs...maybe I should stay with you. Just for a little while."

Jane punches him, but it probably hurts her shoulder more than his.

"Can it," she growls, but it takes actual effort to keep her mouth from falling open too.

Almost as soon as they park, the back door to the main house bursts open and Madison comes running down the back walk.

"Jane! Jane!" she cries, as the detective struggles out of the car to meet her. The walker is gone, but she still relies on a cane, and she's barely got it firmly on the ground before Madison is throwing her arms around her, hugging hard.

"Hey, kiddo," Jane says, feeling her chest loosen. "Miss me?"

"Maddie, be careful of her," Dr. Isles voice floats down the walk and Jane looks up to see her coming towards them, smiling. She's wearing a sundress, pale pink and rose colored and sweater over the top. Her hair is pulled back out of her eyes, in a very deliberately messy sort of fashion, and she's wearing grey leather sandals. She looks stunning. Jane has trouble looking anywhere else.

"Hello, Jane," She says warmly.

Jane instantly feels ugly in her jeans and converse, her old BPD sweatshirt, and stupid juvenile ponytail, but Maura's eyes linger on her, for just a moment, and then she shifts to take in the rest of her guests.

"Detective Frost, Officer Rizzoli," She says reaching out for their hands. "It's nice to see you both again."

Both men are staring at her, and she goes a little pink under their prolonged gazes, turning away from them to look at Jane again.

"Welcome to your new place, Jane," Maura says, beckoning them towards the guest house. "Let me show you around, and then I'll leave you to get settled."

They follow her into the guest house, and Jane feels her stomach turn over. It is huge. Cavernous. Maura leads them through the dining room/kitchen into the wide living room, pointing out different parts of the house as she goes.

"There's a half bath there, so that your guests won't have to go traipsing through your bedroom to to use the facilities. Your bedroom is down to the right, and there's a study down to the left...I don't know if you bring your work home with you," she turns to look at the three of them.

Jane is staring around at the high ceilings and wondering if they've accidentally crossed the border into another country. Frankie and Frost are staring at the widescreen TV above the mantle.

"That's got to be 50 inches," Frankie breathes reverently.

"Fifty four," Maura says, biting her lip. "Is it too small? I'm sure I can get something bigger in if-"

But Jane shakes her head, shoving her brother when he starts to nod vigorously.

"No..._shut up _Frankie...No, Maura, this is," she looks around, trying to find the right word. "This is too much. I mean...this is like an actual _house_."

"Yeah," Frost says. "An actual house that Jane will never be able to afford." He jumps out of the way of her fist, grinning.

Maura smiles, looking pleasantly baffled. "Well," she says, "I'll leave you all to get settled...Jane, we're going to sit down to dinner around 5:30. You're welcome to join us."

"Pleasssseee join us," Madison says, tugging on Jane's arm.

And Maura nods too, reaching out to guide Madison back towards the front door, and Jane smiles and nods, because she can't find her voice. She can barely find her breath until Maura shuts the front door behind her, then she lets it out in one, big puff of air.

"Woah," Frankie says after a moment, still looking at the door where Maura has disappeared.

"Wowzah," Frost repeats, slower this time. "Has Dr. Isles always been so…" He looks around at Frankie, who shoots a glance at Jane, and then shakes his head surreptitiously. Frost changes tack at once. "I'm gonna go get a couple boxes," he says and heads back to the car.

Jane listens to the door open and shut again, and then looks at her brother who is studiously ignoring her gaze.

"Oh, just say it, Frankie," she says grumpily, sinking down onto the couch.

Frankie takes a couple steps towards her. "Say what?"

"That this was a bad idea."

Frankie lets out a breath. "Nah," he says, coming to sit down next to her. "I think it'll be okay. I mean...you and the doc seemed to be getting along better in the hospital lately, right? So this is just an extension of that."

Jane sighs. It's true, her last month at the hospital had been the best. Maura brought Madison by on a regular basis, and she did make an effort to understand their connection, and to give them time to themselves. And on a few occasions, Jane could have sworn she'd caught the doctor looking at the two of them with a hint of fondness in her expression. But…

"This is different, Frankie. I'm in her _house_."

"Her _guest_ house," Frankie corrects. "You won't even see her unless you go over there or she comes over here."

"I'm going over there for dinner. What if it goes horribly?" Jane struggles with her emotions for a moment, trying to verbalize to her brother why her proximity to the doctor makes her so nervous. "She already thinks I have a better bond with her kid than she does," Jane says. "I don't want to go trampling all over whatever they've built."

Frankie nods, rubbing the back of his head. "Or," he says, after a moment, "you don't want to get close to them in case mom suddenly decides she doesn't feel so indebted to you anymore."

And Jane bristles immediately, hating that he has come so close to the truth so quickly. "Shut up, Frankie," she says harshly. "I don't want her to feel indebted to me in the first place."

Frankie doesn't even flinch. He is too used to Jane's bravado to be diverted. "Look," he says, leaning forward so that he's looking her in the eye. "I've seen you with the kid, Jane. You light up. You may have had to care for her given your situation, but now you actually truly do. And that scares the shit out of you."

Jane shoves out at him, but he doesn't stop talking.

"And lately, you've even become invested in Dr. Isles. Don't try to deny it!" Frankie says, raising his voice to drown out her sputter of protest. "I know your face better than anyone."

Jane is going to deny it a little longer, to make her brother push her into the confession, but at that moment, Frost reappears in the doorway, holding a box and looking irked.

"I see," he says, concealing a smirk. "We just brought the black man along for manual labor? Nice."

Jane guffaws and pushes herself to her feet, and Frankie shakes his head, rising too.

"Shut up, Frost," Jane says, making her way to the front door. "There is much better muscle at the precinct we could have hired."

…

…

Jane knocks on the front door of the main house at five thirty that night, tugging nervously at the sleeves of her button down. Maura Isles seems like the type of woman who would dress up for dinner, but Jane also doesn't want to look like a freak, if her host is wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

There is the pattering of feet on the other side of the door, and then it swings open to reveal Madison, flushed and excited looking, clutching a heavy looking book in her hand.

"Jane!" she says excitedly. "Come in! Mommy and I are just finishing reading together."

Jane steps into the foyer, trying not to gasp at the size of the house, and follows Madison down a hallway and into a sitting room where Maura is seated in an armchair, medical journal still open on her lap.  
The doctor smiles distractedly at Jane before returning her focus to the page, and Madison climbs up into the armchair across from her mother, and opens the book but doesn't look at it. She stares at her mother with barely concealed glee, and after a moment her mother sighs and shuts the magazine on her lap.

"I suppose we're done for today, are we?" She asks, raising her eyebrows at Madison.  
"Jane's here!" Madison replies happily.

The detective shakes her head, "I can go and come back," she says quickly. "If you two were going to read together."

"It appears someone is too excited to read," Maura says, standing up. "Lets go see about dinner, shall we?"

"Weren't you reading to her?" Jane asks, too confused to help herself.

Maura and Madison both look confused, but Madison recovers first, sliding down from her chair and coming over to take Jane's hand. "No, silly Jane," Madison says. "I can read on my own. I'm not a baby. We were just reading _together_. For family time."

Jane does not have anything to say to this that would be appropriate in front of a six year old, so she allows herself to be led towards the dining room.

The table is already set with their first course, some type of scraggly green leaf salad with artichoke hearts on top. Jane does not blame Madison for turning her nose up at it. She wishes she were a bit younger so she could do the same.

"Madison," Maura says, fork poised in the air. "Eat your first course, dear."

Madison sticks out her lower lip. "I want peanut butter," she says.

Maura does not look at her daughter, but she sets her fork down carefully and then folds her hands in front of her. "Madison," she says slowly. "I let you have a peanut butter sandwich for lunch on the condition that you would eat your dinner in it's entirety. I do not want to have this argument again."

Madison narrows her eyes. "Peanut butter," she says again. "Pea-nut But-ter."

"Hey," Jane interrupts, before the idea can form fully in her head. "I get why you'd want peanut butter. Peanut butter is awesome...but if you don't at least try your artichoke hearts, you are totally missing out."

Both Madison and Maura look at her with twin expressions of shock.

"Huh?" Maddie asks.

"Yeah...I mean...you know why they're called artichoke _hearts_, right?"

Madison glances at her mother and then shakes her head, looking ashamed. "No."

Jane forces herself to smile warmly. "That's okay, kiddo. They're called hearts because that's what they give you," she says, leaning forward and lowering her voice. "They give you heart."

"That is completely-" Maura begins, but Jane cuts her off, knowing she'll pay for it later.

"True," she says. "It's totally true. Remember what I said a while ago? About people who've got heart?"

Madison nods, looking brighter. "They can overcome anything."

Jane nods, and spears the artichoke on the end over her fork. "Eat hearts, get heart," she says. "It's just that simple."

Madison imitates the detective, spearing the vegetable on the end of her own fork, and she puts it in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. Maura looks confounded.

"It's not so bad."

Jane chuckles. "It's no peanut butter, I told you, but it gets the job done."

They get through the entire dinner that way, with Jane making each food worth eating, and by the end of dessert Maura looks stonier than Jane has ever seen her.

She shoos her daughter away right after dinner, telling her to get in her pajamas and begin her nightly routine, and Jane is heading towards the front door, wondering what on earth that could be, when Maura intercepts her, looking furious.

"I would appreciate it, Detective, if you would not lie to my child," she says, her voice barely under her own control.

Jane blinks at her. "I'm not sure what you mean," she says, watching with a little bit of satisfaction as the doctor colors.

"You know perfectly well what I mean," Maura shoots back. "All through dinner. 'What if spaghetti is really worms and no one wants us to know. Chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows. If you eat too many grapes you turn into one!'" Something about the furious way that Maura recounts Jane's statements makes the brunette start to laugh.

"Maura, c'mon!" she says. "Lighten up. She ate, didn't she? What's the big deal."

"The big deal is that you were filling her head with nonsense!" Maura says, her voice rising. "You were-"

"Making dinner something she could enjoy," Jane interrupts. "Making it less scary."

"My dinner is not scary," Maura cries.

"I'm almost thirty, and I was a little nervous," Jane fires back. She runs a hand through her hair, trying not to lash out at this woman. She wants to stay. If for no other reason than because she believes that Madison needs her. "Jesus, Maura...I thought you said you were going to _try_."

Maura looks caught off guard. "I _am_ most certainly trying," she says after a moment. "I am home each night for dinner. I've begun family time-"

"Yeah, where the two of you sit in a room together and don't speak," Jane says sarcastically. "How _together._"

Maura blinks. "My mother and I spent many lovely afternoons reading together in the sunroom when I was younger. It's one of my fondest memories."

"Bullshit," Jane says, her temper finally getting the better of her. "That's bullshit. I bet that you spent those days the same way that Madison is spending hers: pretending to read while stealing glances at you to see if you might want to _talk_ to her."

Maura pales, and understanding hits Jane like a tidal wave.  
"That's not _family_ time, Maura," she says, trying not to yell. "That's not even 'reading together.' Family time is playing Monopoly and ordering Chinese food and nearly busting your stomach open from laughing at the way your father tries to cheat."

Maura's jaw clenches. "That's not a possible outcome of extreme laughter," she says icily.

"Oh my _GOD, _Maura!" Jane says, spreading her arms out wide. "Listen to yourself. Can you _hear_ yourself? You're turning your six year old into a middle aged woman with anxiety and irritable bowel syndrome. She should be...playing soccer and running around. Pretending that her bed is Pride Rock!"

"Pride what?" Maura shakes her head.  
"The Lion King. Perfect Movie? You'll cry...that's not the point. The point is you're not letting her be a kid."

"I'm raising her the only way I know how," Maura says, firing up again.

"Let me help you."  
"I don't need you to tell me how to raise my child. I want her to be wonderful! To be excellent! Not just mediocre!"

Silence.

Maura looks horrified at her own words, her hand flying up to her mouth.

Jane takes a step back, letting the full sting of the insult engulf her for a second. "Woah."

"Oh…" Maura says. "No, I-I didn't mean that."

Jane shakes her head, but can't think of anything to say. She looks away from the doctor, trying to keep her facial features under control, and her eyes fall on the chess set in corner, marble and ornate looking. She gets an idea.

"Play me for it," she says, turning back to Maura.

The blonde looks blank. "I'm sorry?"

Jane points to the chess set. "Look. Play me in chess. If I win, Madison gets one day of soccer. If I lose, I'll just sit in the guest house and work on rehab. You'll never hear from me."

Maura blinks. "I'm not going to play you for my child," she says indignantly, though her eyes linger on the chess pieces. "That's ridiculous."

Jane grins. "We're playing for activities," she says turning back to the door. "But you're right. Why gamble your excellence against my mediocrity. How embarrassing would it be if you lost?"  
Maura's eyes flash, and Jane knows she's caught her. There is a competitive streak in the doctor the same way there is one in Jane.

"It's my set. I move first," Maura says.

Jane nods. "Of course, Dr. Isles."

…...

Two weeks later they are on their way to the park. Maura (grudgingly, and with Jane's help) had found a little soccer team nearby for Madison to join, and when she'd told the girl the next day that she would be learning to play soccer, it was almost impossible to get her to talk about anything else.

Now, Maddie bounces along next to the detective as they make their way down the street to the park. She's already wearing her brand new cleats and shin guards, and her straw blonde hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail that she insisted on doing herself.

They're walking a little slower, to accommodate Jane's cane, and Maddie runs ahead, and then circles back over and over, her eyes alive with excitement. Jane grins at her each time she skips back towards them, holding out a hand for the child to grasp.

"Jane? Will the other children like me?" She asks during one such return visit.

"Of course they will, what's not to like?"

"I've never played soccer before," Madison says, choosing Jane's middle and ring fingers and wrapping her tiny hand around them. "What if they make fun of me?"

"Then we'll find you a new hobby," Maura says, trying to smile at her daughter. "One that you excel in so that you are not made fun of."

"What?" Jane says, so caught off guard that she can't help herself. "No!"

"No?" Maura asks, her eyebrows raised.

"No?" Maddie echoes, looking between them.

"No," Jane says, firmly. She stops walking and curls a finger at Madison, who comes up to her without hesitation. "No," she says again. "If the other kids make fun of you...but you really like to play, then you should tell them that you are trying your best, that you're new and still learning and that they should get their heads out of their butts and help you, because it's not like they've never sucked at anything before."

Maura lets out an angry sputter as Madison bursts into laughter, and Jane shakes her head. "No...okay, don't say that last thing...but listen. There are always going to be people who say you shouldn't do the things you love. It's your choice whether or not you let them stop you from doing it."

Madison looks like she is considering this. "Do I love soccer?" she asks.

Jane chuckles. "We don't know yet, kiddo," she says, starting to walk again. "Let's go find out."

They make it to the park just as the coach blows his whistle, and Madison runs off ahead of her mother, calling a hasty good bye over her shoulder to Jane.

The detective watches from a distance as Maura approaches the coach, shakes his hand, and then they both turn to look at Madison who is already talking to another child, a curly haired, dark skinned boy who has his foot perched on a soccer ball. Madison says something to the boy and he steps back, away from the soccer ball and Madison steps up to it, pulls her foot back, and then swings it forward, connecting with the soccer ball with a little 'thnk' audible to the detective. And Maddie's eyes go wide and thrilled. She turns to her mother and says something Jane can't make out, and then turns to chase to ball, the little boy running after her, laughing.

Maura joins Jane a little while later. She picks her way daintily across the grass, and Jane has to look away to hide her smile at the way Maura's nose wrinkles distastefully at the grass, as if it has personally affronted her.

They stand and watch Madison running back and forth with her new little team, and this time Jane laughs out loud, a memory coming to her.

"My mother used to call it 'clump ball,'" she says, turning to look at Maura. "You know, when they they play soccer at this age." She gestures out onto the field where ten kids are all huddled around the soccer ball, kicking madly. "They don't play the actual positions...they just clump up."

Maura doesn't smile. "She says she wants to do only soccer and nothing else for as long as she lives," Maura says gravely. Jane laughs.

"Kids are fickle," she says, settling herself on the bench that faces the field. Maura's hand comes out, like she would help the brunette sit down, but then she seems to think better of it, and her fingers curl into a fist, that she knocks nervously against her hip.

"Oh," she says, shaking her head. "Not Madison...she's very advanced for her age. She can already read at a fifth grade level. She understands most literary devices, syntax and structure, and in terms of math and science, she is light years ahead of her class-"

"She's six," Jane cuts across her, torn between amusement and annoyance. "Today she wants to be an astronaut, tomorrow a fire fighter, next week a veterinarian...I'm not doubting her intellect, Maura, I'm simply saying that every six year old in _existence_, is fickle."

"I disagree," Maura says, and she bends to wipe the wood of the bench before sitting down as well. "I was already decided on a career by her age."

"Of course you were," Jane mutters.  
"Pardon me?"

"Nothing. You were saying?"

Maura looks down at her hands, folded neatly in her lap. "I'd already decided I wanted to be a doctor by her age. I was very well read for my age, of course, but I enjoyed the medical journals my father left around most of all. Even if I didn't quite understand all the terms."

"I bet you were a joy to be around on the playground," Jane says, though she immediately regrets it. Maura bites her lip, and her expression looks pained, and even a little hurt before flickering back into impassivity. Jane sighs. "Hey," she says after a second, trying to make her voice softer. She doesn't know what it is about this woman that makes her either snarky and sarcastic, or completely tongue tied. She tries again. "Hey...sorry. That was supposed to be a joke."

Maura shakes her head curtly, and Jane is unsure whether this means 'I don't want to discuss it,' or 'it's okay'. She assumes the former. Someone like Maura can't have fared well in any childhood situation, or at least, not in any that Jane can imagine..

"If," Maura says into the silence, and Jane jumps. Maura doesn't notice. "If, however, your hypothesis is correct, and the majority of children are changeable beings," Jane squints out onto the field where Madison is to keep from rolling her eyes at the language, "do you believe that Madison will bounce back? From any teasing or judgement from her peers?"

Jane frowns. "Why?" she asks grumpily. "Is she getting bullied? Like at school?"

Maura shakes her head, but this time the gesture carries hopelessness. "I'm sure I don't know," she says quietly. "We haven't spoken about her schooling since she started the year."

Jane's frown deepens. "But Madison says you two talk all the time at dinner," she replies.

Maura nods. "Yes, we do."

"And…" Jane prompts. "You never ask her about how school was? Who her friends are? What she does at recess?"

Maura looks around at Jane, brow creased. "At recess?" she asks. "What skills of import are learned during recess?"

"Phooooh boy," Jane exhales deeply. "Seriously?"

But she can already tell from the look on the doctor's face that she is serious. She can already tell that Maura Isles the six year old spent her recess inside, in the library or the science lab, soaking up knowledge and making friends with the only people she knew how to talk to...her teachers.

"Look," she says, switching gears. "When Madison comes off the field, reach out for her hand."

Maura blinks, looking as though Jane has asked her calculate the product of two ten digit numbers.

"What?"

Jane grins. "When we go to walk home...just, like, put your hand out towards her. Down towards her hand...so that she can take it." Jane extends her hand palm up towards Maura, and the doctor reaches out instinctively, before stopping herself.  
"See?" Jane says, catching Maura's hand before she can pull it fully back. "If you reach out to your kid, she's gonna reach back. You barely know me, and you still understood the gesture."

Maura doesn't answer right away. She is looking down at their hands linked together, and she doesn't seem to be breathing. Jane watches the doctor's face curiously, wondering how two separate women can live in such close proximity inside the body in front of her. She gives Maura's hand a gentle squeeze, and the blonde looks up at her, immediately going red with embarrassment.

"I-I, uh, think she'll most likely want to hold _your _hand," Maura says, pulling away and tucking the hand that Jane was just holding inside her other one. "You're hands are beautiful. I _mean_-" she turns her head away, maybe to hide tears. Jane suppresses her chuckle, aware that it will only be misinterpreted. "I mean yours are the one's that she's become accustomed to."

"Just try," she says gently, and then, aware that she might be cashing in chips that she does not possess, "for me?"

Maura's head whips around to look at her, and Jane does not look away, even though those bright hazel eyes make her feel a little bit dizzy.

"Please?"

Maura nods, finally breaking their eye contact to grin shyly at her lap. "Okay."

…

Madison comes running off the soccer field thirty five minutes later, looking windswept and sweaty and grinning from ear to ear.  
"Did you see me Jane? Did you see me Mommy?" She cries as she runs towards them, and Jane sees Maura glance at her before turning to her daughter and trying to imitate the detective's posture. The doctor grins and bends her knees slightly, and Madison slows down for a half second, before running excitedly into Maura's arms.

"You were fantastic, kiddo," Jane says, and Madison releases her mother to hug Jane around the middle too.

"You're awfully sweaty," Maura says, looking down at her outfit.

Jane holds Madison to her for a beat longer than necessary, so that when Maura looks up she can glare at her, and mouth 'try again."

"Uh...but…" Maura stutters, her eyes going wide. "You looked...like you were enjoying yourself immensely."

Jane nods, letting Madison go, and Maura looks relieved. "Are you ready to go home?" Maura asks, and then with another swift glance at Jane, she hold out her hand to her daughter, tentatively, like she thinks the child might bite her.

Maddie does not even hesitate. She reaches out and grabs her mother's hand with both of her own, giving it a little swing before starting to pull her in the direction of home.

"So can I join the team forever, Mommy? Can I? Please?" She asks.

Jane grabs her cane and follows the pair, trying to be only happy that Madison has taken her mother's hand, and not also a little bit jealous.

Maura, for her part looks equally delighted and terrified. Madison finally stops talking long enough for her to respond as they approach the first crosswalk that leads away from the park.

"If you enjoyed yourself," Maura says, and Jane watches her lose her train of thought as she looks down into her daughter's face, overcome with affection and surprise and…

"Mommy?" Madison cannot be kept waiting. "Can I please do soccer? I did enjoy myself, Mommy. Please?"

"Yes," Maura says, shaking herself, and the smile she bestows upon her daughter is the most genuine and relaxed that Jane has seen in all of knowing her. "Yes, of course you can."

They stop to wait for the light change, and Jane watches out of the corner of her eye as Madison swings her mother's hand back and forth happily, humming. Maura looks up at Jane and beams.

"Do they got, like...do they got jobs for soccer?" Maddie asks idly, and Maura opens her mouth, but Jane cuts her off.

"Have," she says firmly. "Do they have."

Madison takes this roll reversal in stride as well, leaning a little so she can slide her free and into Jane's.

"Yeah," she says, unperturbed. "Do they have jobs for soccer? For when you get older?"

"Yes," Jane says. "You could play soccer for your whole life, if you wanted to."

"Could I really? Mommy?"  
"...Yes," Maura says slowly. "Certainly...if it made you happy."

They cross the street, and once safely on the other side, Maddie drops both of their hands to run ahead of them, dodging imaginary opponents.

"Or!" she calls back to them happily. "I could be an astronaut and play soccer on the moon! I bet I could. There's no gravity! My kick would be like, superpower!" She doesn't look over her shoulder, and so only Jane is lucky enough to see the spasm of horror that crosses Maura's face at this declaration.

"Fickle," she says quietly to Maura, grinning as the doctor turns to look at her, eyes wide. Jane nudges her gently, trying to get her expression to soften. "She'll change her mind tomorrow," she assures the smaller woman. "I promise."

And to her surprise (and excitement), Maura smiles back at her.

There are butterflies in the detective's stomach.

…

…

Change does not come overnight. Jane doesn't expect it to. But it is clear that Maura is trying very hard to connect with her daughter.

Dinners begin to sound less like interrogations and more like family time. Maura checks under the bed and in all of Madison's closets for monsters nearly every night. And one Friday in the middle of October, the doctor suggests that Jane come over for a movie night.

"What's the movie," Jane asks dubiously, trying to find a graceful way to get up from her yoga mat. Maura seems momentarily speechless, and for a second she just stares at Jane, mouth a little open.

Jane fidgets. "Um, Maur?" She prompts after a second, and the doctor shakes herself, bestowing a beautiful smile on the detective.

"You're doing yoga," she says happily.

Jane rolls her eyes. "No, I'm, well...I-yes," she says, realizing there is no way around it. "Don't make a big deal out of it, okay? A doctor I know said that it would help me regain the flexibility in my back."

Jane looks at Maura in time to see her color angrily. "_I _said that!" she cries. "You don't need to get a second opinion, Jane! _I_ am a doc-" she stops abruptly, and Jane has to sit down, she is laughing so hard.

"Oh," Maura says, blushing again, and ducking her head. "You were referring to me, weren't you?"

Jane nods through her laughter. "Yeah, I was. Oh, but don't make that face, Maur...it's cute that you got so upset."

Maura makes a clicking sound with her teeth. "Well I care about your well being Jane. And you're so stubborn. It would be just like you to take someone else's advice and not mine."

Jane pushes herself up off the couch, grabbing her sweatshirt from over the back of it. "C'mon, Maur," she says, heading towards the door. "If there was anyone I was going to listen to...it would be you." It's out of her mouth before she can think about it, and when she dares to chance a look over her shoulder, to see how it is being received, she nearly trips.  
The doctor is looking down at the floor, brilliant smile on her face.

.

They pound pizza dough in Maura's giant dining room, Madison standing on a step stool in order to get the right leverage. Jane is amazed at the change. There is flour on Maddie's clothes, despite her apron, and when she insists on putting the pepperoni underneath the sauce, Maura simply smiles and shrugs and hands her more, watching affectionately as her daughter constructs a smiley face.

Jane's cell rings halfway through making her own pizza and she excuses herself to the kitchen, pointing a sauce covered finger at Madison. "You better not put any gross peppers on my pizza while I'm gone young lady. No sneaking! Your mommy will tell on you!"

Madison giggles and shakes her head. "Mommy's on my side! Mommy loves me best! She won't tell!" she shouts back, and Jane has one glimpse of Maura's stunned face before she rounds the corner into the kitchen and swipes her phone open.

"Hello?" Jane holds the phone to her ear with her wrist, groping around in the drawer by the sink for a spare dish towel.

"Hi, Jane?" The voice on the other end of the line is familiar, but Jane cannot immediately place it. Not Ma...Not her physical therapist…

In the other room, Maddie squeals excitedly, and Maura's laughter follows quickly, easy and calm, like a river.  
"Mommy! You have to make it flat, or else we won't be able to put the toppings on!" Madison cries, and Maura's laughter comes again. "Oh, my goodness," Jane hears the doctor say. "This is much harder than the book implied."

"Jane?" The voice on the other end of the phone calls her again, and Jane snaps back to reality.

"Sorry, who is this?"

"It's Olivia," the woman says, and Jane draws a blank.

"Uh…"  
"Lewis?"

"Oh!" Jane grins into the phone, finally matching the voice with a face. "Dr. Lewis! I'm sorry, I didn't expect to hear from you."

"Olivia."

Jane raises an eyebrow at nothing. "Excuse me?"

"Call me Olivia, please, Jane, or I'll never be able to ask you what I'd like to ask you."

Jane finishes wiping her hands, and tosses the dish towel onto the counter, switching ears and leaning back. "Okay…" she says slowly. "What can I do for you...Olivia."

There is a slight pause, and Jane does not think she imagines the sharp intake of breath.  
"I'd like to see you," says the doctor on the other end of the line, and then more slowly, "I mean...I'd like to see you...please."

Jane turns to look at the calendar hanging on the refrigerator. "We're not scheduled until...November," she says, feeling a stab of panic in her abdomen."Is there something wrong with me? Did my physical therapist say some-"

"No!" Olivia cuts in, sounding flustered and embarrassed. "No, nothing like that...I just...I didn't mean that you needed to make an appointment...I meant that I'd like to _see _you," she says, and then, when it's clear that Jane still doesn't understand, she adds, "socially."

Oh. _Ohhh. _"Oh," Jane says into the phone. "Wow." She tries to think of something else to say, but her brain seems to be frozen on that one word. "Wow," she says again.

Olivia chuckles nervously. "We covered 'oh,' and we've now covered 'wow...' twice," she says. "Is there anything else you want to add?"

"I'm...flattered," Jane says, and then immediately she slaps her hand to her forehead. _Stupid idiot!_

"Oh my God," Olivia says, sounding panicked. "You're not gay are you?" she groans into the receiver. "Uggggghhh, this is what I get for deciding to just go for it...ultimate humiliation."

"What?" Jane says, confused. "No…"

"Just...can you not sue me for harassment?" Olivia continues, not hearing, "That would be awesome...you know, if you didn't sue me."

"Woah, woah, hang on there, Dramatico," Jane says raising her voice. "There's no need to ramp it up to DEFCON 3. You didn't even give me a chance to finish."

Silence on the other end of the line. Jane cradles the phone between her ear and shoulder, picking at a hangnail. Now that the doctor is no longer panicking, Jane doesn't know what to say. When was the last time she was asked out on a date? A year? Two? Olivia Lewis is tall and attractive and smart and, most importantly, _interested in her._ Why is she even hesitating. Jane grins at nothing, truly flattered and a little bit excited.

"So…" Olivia prompts, unable to wait. "You are gay then?"

"Is it obvious?"

"Only to those of your kind," Olivia says, and she sounds like she's breathing easier again. Jane laughs.

"Good to know...and so, before I put you out of your misery and answer...How many times did you dial my number and then hang up."

Olivia makes a sound that is between a squawk of indignation and a laugh.. "Be careful, Jane Rizzoli," she says, still chuckling. "I could change my mind."

"Cool," Jane says, finding that the flirting comes easily here. "Save me the heartbreak when you ultimately decide against dating me."

There is a millisecond of a pause. "Are you saying yes, then?" Olivia's voice has gotten a little deeper. Jane feels goosebumps.

"Yes," she says.

…

….

"Can I ask you something?" Jane knocks lightly on the door of Maura's study, and the blonde looks up at her and smiles. It is radiant, and Jane feels herself smile back automatically, her heart speeding up.

Well, at least now she knows what made her hesitate.

"Jane," Maura says warmly. "Come in."

After the pizza was done and the movie watched, Madison had looked up sleepily from her place in Jane's lap, and held her arms out to her mother.

"Can I sleep in your bed, Mommy? Will you tell me a story?"

Maura had been a little clumsy lifting her daughter into her arms, but when Jane had checked on them a little while later, she'd found Madison tucked securely against her mother's side, fast asleep while Maura finished the chapter of A Wrinkle in Time.

Now, Jane steps over the threshold, and Maura's eyes slide down her body. "You led with the stronger knee!" Maura says happily, and Jane is momentarily diverted from her mission.

"Huh?"

Maura stands, gesturing to Jane's midsection. "Usually, when one knee has sustained a trauma...ACL tear, knee cap dislocation, etc, our body's natural reaction is to baby it. We lead with it, pushing off with the stronger knee, in this case your left, and then hobble, putting as little weight on the injury as possible. But you pushed off with your right knee, which means that there's no longer a discernable difference for you!"

Maura looks up into Jane's face, elated, and Jane swallows hard and tries not to look like she wants to be sick. "So...that means I can go back to my apartment soon," Jane says, and it takes all of her willpower not to punch herself in the face.

The smile drops off of Maura's face, and the detective swears she can hear it shatter on the floor. Maura turns away from her, going back to her desk and sitting down. She picks up some papers and shuffles them, setting them back down onto her desk before speaking.

"Well, I'm not your physician," she says, her voice sounding hollow. "But I would say that you should be able to handle stairs in no time at all."

Jane wants to say something to wipe the hardened expression off of the doctor's face, but she doesn't know where on earth to begin.

_I said I would go out with a woman, but I don't want to go out with her if you are available._

Woah. No.

_I have a date tomorrow night and I know that we're just...playing at this house thing, but I need to know there's no chance that you could ever be into me._

That is is worse.  
Jane takes a breath. "What happened to Madison's father?" she blurts.  
Maura flinches and turns to her again, staring. "I'm sorry?"

"No," Jane says, backing out of the room. "I'm sorry...that was...the shittiest way to ask that question. It's not even really what I meant. I mean, it is what I meant...I just should have had more...tact."

Her back bumps against the doorframe, and she turns to go, trying to fight the burning in her cheeks.

"Jane." Maura's tone makes her turn. The doctor is staring at her, her expression unreadable. For a moment she just looks, and then she shifts her gaze back down to the desk.

"We met in Doctors Without Borders," she says finally. "In Rwanda."

Jane stays where she is. "Yeah?"

Maura nods, but doesn't look up. "Yes. From there we were in Malawi, then Mumbai...We did a small rotation in Afghanistan. Just before I got pregnant."

"Wow." Jane moves closer to Maura's desk, and when the doctor nods, Jane sinks down in the chair near by. "So then you moved here when you had Madison?"

Maura gives the brunette a wry smile. "I did," she says quietly. "Ian...he never quite lost the urge to travel. He was here when Madison was born, and then gone until she was two. Back for her birthday and then gone for another six months."

Jane feels anger overflow in her chest. "Prick," she says fiercely. "Did he even care when she went missing?"

Maura pauses, glancing at her, and then away. "He's dead, Jane." She says tonelessly. "His SUV hit a landmine. No one survived."

"Oh," Jane was not aware that she could feel worse. "Shit, Maur, I'm sorry." She reaches out and puts her hand over Maura's on the desk, trying to ignore how soft her hand is. "I didn't mean to bring up all this-"

"You're fine," Maura says, and she pulls her hand away, slowly, like she isn't sure she wants to. "It actually gives me a bit of comfort, because it means that you did not read the full police report on Madison's disappearance. Or on me."

"Of course I didn't," Jane says, indignant. "It wasn't my case."

This makes Maura really smile. "That doesn't mean you couldn't have gotten ahold of it if you'd wanted to, Detective," she says, dipping her head so she can look Jane in the eyes. "You could have."

God she is beautiful. "I wouldn't," Jane responds, and Maura's smile widens.

"I know."

They sit in silence for a minute, and Jane is trying to think of something comforting to say, when Maura speaks again.

"You are the first friend I've had in many, many years, Jane Rizzoli," she says softly. "If you would allow me to call you my friend."

Jane feels her heart like it is shrinking.

_Friends. _

"And you have taught me how to love my daughter in a way I did not know was possible," she continues. "I will miss you, when you move out."

And Jane can't help herself. She leans forward and takes Maura's hand again, desperate for the contact, even if they are only friends. "Hey," she says, waiting until the doctor looks up at her.

"Of course we are friends. And we're still gonna see each other."

Maura's eyes brighten just a little bit. "Yes?"

Jane wants to cry. She wants to kiss her. "God, of course, Maura! We'll go out to that spa you always talk about...and I'll come over and you can make me some of that ridiculously expensive coffee, and…" Jane casts around. "You know I'll be at all of Maddie's soccer games and science fairs. I'll be right there when they launch her rocketship to the moon so she can play on the first intergalactic soccer team!"

Maura laughs and dabs at her eyes with her free hand. "Oh, Jane," she says, still chuckling. "You know that's not possible, right?"

.

So Jane climbs into bed later feeling decided, if a little let down. Maura is straight. Maura thinks of them as friends. She can date her doctor because Maura is not available.

"She's not available," Jane whispers to herself.

Her last thought before drifting into sleep is that even if Dr. Maura Isles _were _available...she'd never go for anyone like Jane.

Not in a million years.

* * *

_One more to go :)_

_Happy reading  
_tc


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia sits up and wraps her arms around Jane's waist, pressing her lips to the brunette's shoulder.

"Hey," she says softly. "Hey. You're okay. You're here with me. He's not here."

It takes Jane a frantic disoriented moment to remember where she is. She puts her hands up to her face, rubbing her fingertips against her forehead.

"Do you want me to stop touching you?" Olivia's hands pull away slowly.

Jane shakes her head. "No," she says, voice raspy. "No, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to-"

"Have a full on night terror on our first overnight?" The doctor's voice is soft and teasing, but when Jane rolls over, she sees real concern in Olivia's eyes.

"I'm fine," she says, knowing she sounds a little weak. "I'm fine...what time is it?"

"Just after four."

"Shit," Jane falls back against the pillows, pulling the blanket up around her. "You barely got two hours."

"We barely got two hours, Jane," Olivia says gently. "And it doesn't matter. Today I am off until 9pm, so we can just sleep-" she slides down next to Jane in bed, "or not sleep all day."

Jane sighs and rolls over into Olivia's arms, and the doctor peppers kisses all over her neck and collarbone. "Are you okay?" she asks between contact. "How do you feel?"

"You mean, how are my hips and back after our two hour sex session?" Jane asks, chuckling.

Olivia laughs into her shoulder. "Yes. I guess that's what I mean. Are you sore? Do you have pain?"

"No," Jane says, feeling her stomach tighten as Olivia drags her fingers over her ribcage. She has been dating the doctor for three weeks now, and three days ago, she'd moved out of Maura's guest house.

She hadn't meant to go home with Olivia Lewis tonight, but they'd gone out to celebrate her return to her apartment, and Jane had had a couple of beers and two very strong shots, and the prospect of going back home to her apartment alone had seemed too overwhelming and depressing. They'd been settling the tab, arguing over who had what and whose money was good where, and Jane had been subconsciously picturing Maura's guest house as her final destination. But then Olivia had asked if she wanted a ride back to her apartment and Jane had realized that she didn't belong in the guest house anymore.

"Or…" Olivia had said, looking at her intently, "you can come back to my place...with me."

So what if Jane had said yes out of the momentary panic of having to go home alone, it had felt nice, in the cab, to have someone to hold onto. It had felt nice to slide under the covers with someone and press the healed and hidden parts of her skin to someone elses.

And Olivia had been gentle with her. Attentive and caring and not at all put off when Jane had needed a couple minutes in the middle to exorcise Reagan from her head. She'd done exactly what the detective had asked of her, without question, and then waited for a green light before starting anything up again.

She's funny. She's smart. She's sexy.

_I like her._ The realization give Jane a thrill of excitement and a pang of guilt. _It's okay to like her. It's okay to like her, Rizzoli. Isn't it?_

"Wow, you are doing some intense processing over there." Olivia props herself up on her elbow so she can look into Jane's face. "Do you want to share with the class?"

Jane smiles, trying to pull herself out of her own head. "No," she says, and when Olivia looks a little disgruntled, she hurries to make it better. "No! I mean, not because it's bad or anything...Just because it's all...a mess in my head, you know?"

But Olivia's concern seems to deepen. "Shit," she says, looking worried. "It was too fast right? Still too soon into the relationship? You probably wanted to go home and like decompress." She starts to roll away, throwing her arm over her eyes and sighing heavily. "Jesus. Is it totally inappropriate to once again ask you not to sue me for harassment?"

Jane laughs. She rolls over, following Olivia across the bed.

"Hey...Hey. Come here." The doctor allows herself to be scooped up into Jane's arms, and the detective has to admit that it is a lovely feeling. Having her there. "I am not a child," she says against the dark curve of Dr. Lewis' ear. "I am a consenting adult. And I would never sue you."

Olivia is unsuccessful in hiding her smile. "Promises, promises," she says.

Jane kisses behind her ear.

Yes. It is very, very nice.

"What do you want to do today, Detective," Olivia asks, pressing herself more firmly into Jane's arms.

"Mmm," Jane mumbles. "I promised Madison I'd go see her soccer game today. But until 3pm, I'm all yours." Olivia pulls away slightly, tensing, and Jane opens her eyes. "What is it?"

"You're going to see Madison?" Jane can't quite get a read on the other woman's tone.

"Yeah. I promised her that I wouldn't miss a game." She waits, but Olivia doesn't say anything more, just puts her head on the detective's shoulder and sighs.

"What?" Jane asks, trying to keep from jumping to conclusions. "You don't want me to go?"

Olivia hesitates, "...No. No, that's not it," she says slowly.

"It sounds like that's it," Jane replies.

Olivia sighs, moving them both. "You just left there," she says quietly. "You just left there a couple days ago, and we couldn't go out yesterday because you promised to go over for game night, and... Jane...are you sure it's...healthy to be there so often?"

Jane holds her breath for a moment, trying to ease the initial burst of anger that has welled up in her chest. "Uh," she says, stalling for time. "I'm not sure I know what you're talking about."

Olivia sits up, and Jane sits up next to her, watching her face. "Olivia?"

"I'm worried about you, Jane!" she bursts out, turning to face the brunette, her eyes shiny in the darkness. "You've been putting all of your energy into healing that little girl and her mother, and you're not paying any attention to yourself. You stayed in the guest house longer than you had to, and the more I get to know you, the more I feel like...that's not you at all. It just...it doesn't make sense."

Jane reaches out automatically, thinking of comforting Olivia, but the other woman pulls away, shaking her head. "No," she says. "That's what I mean. You're going to comfort me, and shift the focus, and we'll forget all about you. Which is just what you want."

Jane leans back against the pillows, trying to take this in.

"I...don't want that."

Olivia lets out a burst of air, disbelieving.

"Okay," Jane amends, "I don't mean to want that."

They are silent for a while, Olivia drawing lazy circles on Jane's hip.

"Livvy?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Do you ever...do you ever feel like...trapped?"

The circles stop. "What do you mean?"

Jane runs her hand along her neck, out of habit. "I mean...like to do you ever feel like...you can't move? Like if you move, something will come out of nowhere and…" She trails off, unsure about how she wants to continue.

Olivia kisses Jane's shoulder. "What was your dream about?" she asks.

Jane shrugs. "It doesn't matter. It's over. He's dead."

"Yes," Olivia says firmly, "He is. I'm glad you know that."

Suddenly, Jane doesn't want to be in the conversation anymore. She shakes her head and rolls over onto her side, facing her girlfriend. "Come with me tomorrow," she says, and her diversion has the desired effect. Olivia's eyes light up.

"Really? Are you sure? Isn't it like a...you and the Isles thing?"

Jane thinks this over. "No. Not really. And anyway, Madison's a permanent part of my life, so she should meet you."

Olivia sits up to look into Jane's face. "Are you saying to want me to be a permanent part of your life, Jane?"

Oh. "Yeeah," Jane says slowly, and then with more conviction, "yes. I want that. What do you say?"

Olivia makes a noise like an excited child at a carnival, rolling on top of Jane and pressing them together.  
"No," she says breathlessly as Jane opens her mouth. "No talking. Let me show you."

…

…...

It is a little chilly at the park, and when they get out of the car, Olivia comes around to Jane and zips the brunette's coat all the way up.

"You're worse than Ma," Jane says, leaning forward to kiss her. "You know that right?"

Olivia grins. "I will take that as a compliment, because I know that's how you meant it."

Jane takes Olivia's hand. "Yes," she says. "That is exactly what I meant."

"Jane! Over here," Jane turns towards the sound to see Maura waving at them. For a second, Jane can only stare at her. Maura is dressed in a pair of dark denim jeans and a tan wool sweater underneath a grey shearling peacoat.

It's been four days since Jane has seen her, and it feels like a lifetime.

Next to her, Olivia clears her throat, and Jane jerks herself out of her daze and smiles at her girlfriend. She leads her over to where Maura is standing beaming at them. At Jane.

"Hello Jane!" she says, sounding almost as happy as Jane feels. "I'm so glad that you could make it! You look wonderful."

Jane takes a moment to answer, trying not to trip over her tongue. "You look- you look wonderful too," she says, and then, at the slight pressure on her hand from Olivia, "and Olivia is taking good care of me," she adds.

Maura glances at Olivia, and her smile doesn't falter. Not exactly. "Dr. Lewis," Maura says, and she goes to hold out her hand, but then her eyes flick down to see that Olivia's right hand is entwined with Jane's left, and she seems to think better of it. "It's nice to see you again."

"You too Dr. Isles," Olivia says, sounding completely at ease.

Jane wants to change the subject. She searches for Madison out on the field. "How's she doing?"

Maura shifts her attention too, her eyes lighting up again. "She's definitely enjoying herself," she says. "I have doubts about her innate soccer ability, but…" Maura laughs, pointing out onto the field where Madison has run out onto the field with her teammates. Jane barely glances where she's looking. Maura's smile is radiant. She has missed it.

"She is loving it," Maura finishes, turning back to Jane. She seems to smile wider upon noticing that she has Jane's undivided attention. "She's loving it and I have you to thank."

Olivia clears her throat again, and Jane turns to look at her. "Honey," she says, putting her other hand over Jane's now too. "I'm gonna get a hot dog from that vendor over there. Do you want one?"

Jane looks around at the vendor and then back at her girlfriend, wiggling her eyes. "Twooo?" she asks slyly.

"Not with everything," Olivia says, laughing.

"But I'm trying to get my strength back," Jane says pretending to pout. When Olivia looks like she's not going to give in, Jane pulls her into her arms without thinking about it, and kisses the underside of her jam. "Please, baby?"

Olivia pushes her away gently, shaking her head. "You know, one of these days, that is not going to work on me."

Jane grins. "But it did today, right?"

"Two hot dogs with everything," Olivia says, and then to Maura, "would you like anything, Dr. Isles?"

Maura takes a second longer than usual to answer. "Me? Oh...I...no. Thank you. And please call me Maura, of course."

"Maura," Olivia says, sounding happy. "Only if you call me Olivia."

Maura very visibly forces a smile. "Olivia," she says.

Olivia smiles back, and leans over and kisses Jane on the cheek. "I'll be right back."

Jane nods. "Don't forget my relish?" she calls.

Olivia waves over her shoulder to show that she's heard.

Jane turns to see Maura watching Olivia's receding figure, her face an unreadable mask.

"Maura?"

The doctor's eyes jump to her, and she looks a little embarrassed. She looks caught. "Jane," she says, and her smile is tight. "I didn't know you were bringing Dr. Lewis."

Jane shrugs, glancing out onto the soccer field to where Madison has stopped paying attention to the game in order to wave frantically at Jane. She laughs, and waves back, gesturing that Maddie should keep going.

"Yes," she says finally. "She had the day off, and I promised Maddie I'd come...Is that alright?" She's not sure why she's asking Maura permission, but in this case it seems like the appropriate thing to do.

Maura hesitates so briefly that Jane is sure she must have imagined it.

"Yes," she says quickly. "Yes, it's fine with me. I didn't mean to...well...I just meant that I know how busy her schedule must be, and if you two would like to take advantage of her free time, that's not a problem for me." She looks out on to the field, and then back down at her shoes. "And I'm sure Madison would understand."

There is a tone in her voice that Jane does not recognize. She steps a little bit closer to the doctor, And Maura's eyes flick about as high as her shoulder, before dropping back down.

"Hey, Maura?" Jane asks, trying to sound casual.

"Yes, Jane?"

The detective swallows, praying that what she's about to say is the right thing. "I moved out of your house because my injuries healed," she says slowly. "I didn't move out because I wanted to move away from you."

Maura doesn't look at her, but her jaw works for a moment. "I see," she says quietly. "Of course. I understand that you wanted your independance and your privacy. I-"

"Maura, it has nothing to do with either of those things," Jane cuts her off. She runs her fingers through her hair, trying to figure out how to explain her motives without giving herself away. "I couldn't just keep living in your guest house, rent free, indefinitely."

Maura manages to look up at Jane now, her wide hazel eyes innocent and confused. "Why not?"

Jane fidgets. "Because...it wouldn't be right. I'm better. I couldn't keep mooching off of you forever."

The doctor blinks at her and then shifts her focus out onto the soccer field, smiling as her eyes fall on her daughter.

"No," she says after a moment. "I suppose you couldn't. It's not in your nature."

Jane feels herself shiver a little. Isn't that what Olivia told her this morning, during their almost fight? She tries not to think about it. She nudges Maura with her elbow.

"But I haven't disappeared. See?" Jane holds her arms out away from her body, like she's ready to be examined, and Maura takes her words literally, turning to inspect the detective.

Jane feels herself blush a little under the gaze.

"Yes," Maura says, smiling faintly before turning away. "You are here, just like you said you would be." She takes a breath, like she's going to speak, reconsiders, and then tries again.  
"I do worry about your health, now that you're gone," she murmurs, almost like she's speaking to herself. "It was nice to know you were just over in the guest house, and if you needed any help, you could just ask."

Jane snorts, making the doctor look around at her. "You sound like my mother," she says. "And like my girlfriend."

"Your girlfriend what?" Olivia has returned from the opposite direction, and Jane turns quickly to greet her, so she only catches a millisecond of Maura's expression. It looks...disgruntled.

Jane grins at Olivia. "Maura is worried about my health too," she says, and Dr. Lewis smiles at Dr. Isles and slips her arm around Jane's waist.

"She gives new meaning to the phrase 'suffer in silence,'" Olivia says lightly. "Am I right?"

Maura clearly tries to smile, but the end result makes her look angry. "Certainly," she says. "I told her there was no need for her to move out so...quickly. I was happy to have her."

Jane feels Olivia's hand tighten around her waist, and wonders if it is obvious to Maura as well. "She's still in good hands," Olivia says easily. "And my building has an elevator, so when she comes over she won't have to walk the stairs."

"Uh," Jane doesn't know why she feels the need to intervene, but something about the conversation is making her uncomfortable. "Uh, can she have a say in her recuperation?" she asks with an attempt at a laugh, and both women look around at her.  
Maura looks up at her, expression pained. Jane reaches out for her hand without thinking, so for a moment they are all linked together, Olivia holding Jane holding Maura.

And then Jane drops Maura's hand, smiling at her and wrapping her arm around Olivia.

"I'm fine," she says. "Truly. You can both relax." And Olivia stands a little taller to kiss her cheek.

Maura looks away.

…

…...

"So...how long do you think that you're going to be infatuated with Dr. Isles?"

The question nearly makes Jane spit out her beer. She stares across the table at Olivia, trying to make sense of the question, and of the casual, nonchalant way that it has been asked.

"Excuse me?" she asks, trying to stall for time.

Olivia rolls her eyes. "Come on, Jane. There was a blind man at the soccer game today and he even stopped me to tell me my girlfriend had the hots for someone else."

Jane snorts, trying to mask her panic at being found out, and also to get over her shock at how well her companion appears to be taking it. "I...didn't mean…"

"To shoot googly eyes at her for 90 minutes?" Olivia asks, her voice still teasing. "I know you didn't. You made a really valiant effort to pay attention to me, and to the game. Even if the score was 37 to 58." She looks up to see Jane staring open mouthed. "What's this?" she asks. "Are you doing a reenactment of this afternoon? Believe me, I don't need it."

Jane shakes her head dumbly, trying to formulate a coherent sentence that isn't a lie.

"I'm sorry," she says finally. "I...It's really stupid."

Olivia waves her away, taking a swig of her own beer and leaning back in her seat. Her eyes are sparkling mischievously. "Nah," she says. "I get it. Maura Isles is god damn beautiful." She leans forward suddenly and points the neck of her beer across the table at Jane. "But I don't do sloppy seconds, Jane." She grins. "I mean...I'm pretty fabulous myself."

"You're not sloppy seconds," Jane says automatically, a little surprised that this feels true to her.. "I like you a lot, Liv."

Olivia beams at her for a second, before her face drops back into seriousness. "I like you too, Jane. A whole lot. So I have to ask. Did you ask her out and get rejected?"

"No," Jane says, too quickly.

Olivia quirks an eyebrow. "Aw shit," she says sadly. "Are you too scared to do it? Am I your safety school, Rizzoli? What the hell?"

"What?" Jane can't help but laugh. "What? No! Jesus, Olivia, you're not my 'safety school.' I didn't even go to college first of all. Second of all, Maura Isles is straight. Did you miss the kid? Straiight."

It is Olivia's turn to snort into her beer. "Having a child does not a straight woman make, Jane...I feel like I shouldn't have to explain that to you." She pauses, getting up to come around to Jane's side of the booth. She slides in next to the detective, and Jane realizes she likes having Olivia Lewis close to her. Like, really likes it.

"Look," Olivia says, leaning closer to her. "I'm not going to hate on you for falling for another woman. People date to find the one they want to be with, not to stay together with the first woman they see...But where we're going to start to have problems, is when you say you're with me, but long for her. Get it?"

Jane flushes, but nods. "Yeah," she says. "I don't, though. I don't long for her."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Jane says firmly, trying to banish the image of Maura, smiling at her in the weak October sun. "I...admit that I'm attracted to her. I admit that I checked to see if she could be into me. But she isn't...she can't be. So it's just something I have to get over."

"Natural," Olivia allows, but she scoots closer to Jane in the booth, and puts her hand on the brunette's thigh. "It's natural, and I understand. Even if it makes me want to pull all of her hair out."

Jane laughs, and Olivia watches her mouth. Jane feels a tug of something warm in the pit of her stomach. "But I'm pretty damn attracted to you too, Olivia Lewis," Jane says, making her voice deep and growly, loving the effect it has on her partner.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Olivia tilts her head back slightly, shutting her eyes, and Jane takes the invitation. They kiss, and it is warm and good, and nice.

"You're going to fucking break my heart," Olivia murmurs, but she puts her hand on the back of Jane's neck and pulls her closer, shivering when the detective hums into their next kiss.

"Finish your beer," Jane rumbles. "Let's get out of here."

…

It gets colder. Madison's soccer team plays well into November, and Jane and Olivia show up for everyone. Maura joins the duo, along with Jane's brothers, at the Dirty Robber for Olivia's birthday on the 17th, and Jane begins to feel more balanced. She starts training to go back to work. She is cleared for long distance running, and since Olivia hates even the idea of it, Maura meets her three mornings a week for a run in the park.

Madison gets a small part in the school play, and Jane sits between Olivia and Maura in the front row.

Jane forces herself to see Maura has her friend, and gradually, that's what she becomes. Even if Maura doesn't understand fully the evolution of their relationship, she seems happy to meet for coffee when they can, and accompany her daughter on her outings with Jane when appropriate.

She calls Jane one day near Thanksgiving to tell her that she's left her BPD sweatshirt in their living room.

"I can send it with Maddie this weekend when you guys go see that movie," Maura says, and Jane thinks she sounds a little distracted.

"No," Jane says, "I've been looking all over for that sweatshirt. I love wearing it."

"I love taking it off you," Olivia murmurs. Jane swats at her.

They are on their way to Jane's apartment after a yoga session at the Y. Jane puts her hand over the end of her iphone. "Can we swing by Maura's and grab my sweatshirt?" she asks.

Olivia makes a face. "Now?"

Jane pulls the puppy dog eyes. "Please? I just bent my poor old person body in like a hundred different directions for you, and DO not turn that dirty, Olivia Lewis! Please can we?"

Olivia sighs heavily, but puts her blinker on.

"We'll be there in like ten minutes, Maur, is that alright?"

"Yes," Maura says, sounding a little cheerier. "Yes, that's fine. I'll let Madison know."

"See you soon," Jane says, hanging up. She smiles over at Olivia. "You're the bestest," she says flashing her best smile.

"You know it," Olivia responds.

.

Ten minutes later, Jane knocks on the ornate wooden door of the Isles main house.

"Hi kiddo!" Jane says, smiling down at Madison as she pulls the heavy front door of her house open. But her smile vanishes when she sees Madison's face, tear streaked and miserable. "Madison!" Jane says alarmed, and the little girl starts to cry again, and raises her arms up to Jane, who bends and picks her up automatically.

"Honey," she says into the fluffy blonde curls. "What's wrong?"

"I-I-I love you, Jannne," Madison wails into her shoulder. "Please don't leave me and mommy. Puh-puh-leeze say that you love us too."

Of all the things that she was preparing herself to hear, this tearful confession is not among them. "What?" she says, confused. She tries to pull Madison away from her shoulder so that she can look at her face, but the little girl redoubles her grip.

Jane stands in the foyer for a minute, rubbing the little back and trying to understand what has happened that brought about this kind of greeting.

"Janne," Madison is murmuring against her shoulder. Her tears are subsiding but she hasn't let go yet.

"Shh, kiddo, I've got you," Jane says. She hesitates for a moment longer, and she considers going back outside and motioning to Olivia that she's going to be a little longer, but then Madison sniffs, and pulls her head away from Jane's shoulder. She looks at the detective with wet green eyes and says, "Janie. Why are you separating from us?"

And any thought Jane had of Olivia is gone. She carries Madison into the living room and settles herself on the couch. Maddie tries to snuggle herself in the way she used to, but finds that she has grown too big. This seems to distress her even more, and she starts to cry again.

"Maddie," Jane says gently, and when the girl does not calm, a little more firmly, "Madison. Honey, talk to me. Use your words, like Mommy says to. What's wrong?"

Madison sits up, and takes a deep breath. "I don't want the natural way of things to take the course," she says, eyes filling up with tears again.

Jane stares at her. "What?"

"I don't want the natural way of things to take the course," Madison repeats. "I don't want the in-vel-it-ability to happen now that you are gone."

This sentence makes even less sense than the first, and Jane stares at Madison in silence for a moment before speaking.

"Did you...read that somewhere?" She asks finally.

Maddie nods, wiping at her eyes. "I didn't mean to. It was in a book in the study. Mommy wrote it."

Jane nods, her mind going a hundred miles a minute. "Okay...and it...made you sad?"

Maddie nods too. "So sad, Jane," she says pitifully.

Jane's heart clenches, thinking of all the things Maura could write in a journal that would make Madison sad. Her worries about the child's intelligence, future and ability. Her worries about her own capacity for affection. Jane rubs Madison's back.

"Tell me what made you sad, kiddo," she says gently, "and we'll work on it together ok?"

"Mommy wrote that you're leaving us," Madison says, her wide eyes watching Jane's face. "She says you will stop visiting us. She says you will only visit a little and then you will stop." Maddie collapses into tears again.

And the first sentences miraculously make sense. She can practically hear Maura say them, and it isn't hard to picture her writing them out, in her long elegant hand.

"No," she says, more to herself than to the girl in her lap. "No. She's wrong."

"You can't," Madison says pleadingly. "We love you."

Jane nods. "I know, sweetheart. It's going to be-"

"No!" Madison says, and she slides off of Jane's lap and runs from the room. Jane barely has time to start after her, when she reappears, carrying a notepad covered in writing.

She holds it up to Jane, and the detective takes it, peering down at the hand writing, Maura's small, perfect cursive and her straight uniform lines.

_Jane. Jane. Jane Rizzoli. Jane. I love you. Jane._

Jane stares at it, and she can't breathe, and for a moment she thinks that she can't read.

_I'm just seeing what I want to see_, she thinks stupidly. _That's not really there._

But it is. It's there. She blinks, and the words disappear and reappear. Real.

"Mommy wants you to stay," Madison says, and she wraps her arms around Jane's waist and closes her eyes.

That's how Maura finds them about twenty seconds later. She comes around the corner with a wide smile.

"Jane? I thought I heard the doorbell. I'm sorry I took so long. I couldn't find the-" She stops abruptly when she sees the scene in front of her. Jane watches her eyes travel over Madison, who hasn't moved, up Jane's torso to the pad of paper in her hand.

Her face goes as pale as snow.

"Oh," she she says, a quick inhalation. "Oh, God."

And suddenly, Jane is mad. Suddenly she is furious, and all she wants to do is get back into the car and go home. Get in the car and...

Oh God, Olivia.

Jane doesn't look at Maura. She doesn't say anything to her, but she bends down and gently detaches Madison from around her waist. She picks the little girl up and sets her on the couch, wiping the tears away with the pad of her thumb.

"I have to go, kiddo," she says quietly.

Madison shakes her head.

"Yes, I do," Jane says again. "But listen. Are you listening?"

A nod.  
"I will never stop visiting you. You're my pal. You're the greatest. I'm going to be around for you, always."

Madison's shoulders shake, but she doesn't say anything.  
Jane stands up. "I'll see you soon, baby. I promise. Really soon," she says, and without looking at Maura, she starts to make her way back towards the front hall.

Madison doesn't move to follow her, but the doctor does. Jane feels her anger heighten.

"Jane," Maura follows her towards the door. "Jane...please. Let me explain."

"No," she says, but she turns around anyway, facing Maura, back to the front door. "How could you possibly explain this?" She holds up the pad of paper.

Maura bites her lip. "I didn't...I didn't know how to tell you. I thought you would think that I was just saying it because of Madison… and I can't...I can't say that she isn't a part of this. For a long time I tried to convince myself that it was just runoff from her feelings. She was so enamored of you, and I was catching the wake of that...but...Jane." Maura rambles, stepping closer to the detective, her face exquisite with pain.

Jane shakes her head, mostly because she is struck by the sudden image of Maura in her arms, the doctor's lips on her neck.

"No," she says firmly. "How dare you do this to me now."

Maura swallows, flinching like she's been hit. "Don't go," she says. Please. Let me-"

Jane puts her hands out, like the doctor is going to lunge at her. Her heart feels broken. She feels like her heart has broken and now the pieces are stabbing at her from the inside. "Maura, I...I can't…"

"Please don't go."

"You had almost two months to say something. You...I…"

"You could have said something too."

"I put out dozens of feelers. I...I practically _asked you_ if I could date Olivia!"

"...Yes. You did."

"You didn't say _anything_. And now...I have...I have this woman I really like!"

"Please don't go, Jane. I. I'm so in love with you."

"I can't do this. I can't believe you're doing this, and I can't do this now. Olivia is in the car, Maura. She's waiting in the car. For me."

"No. No she's not. But right now, she really wishes she were."

Jane closes her eyes, hoping that she's just imagined that voice. But when she opens them, she can see Maura's horrified eyes staring over her shoulder, and she knows that it is real. She wants to swear. She wants to say every swear word that she knows. Instead she turns around to look at her girlfriend.

"Liv," she says, and she wants it to come out like an apology, but it comes out like surprise.

Olivia lets out a little breath, and then she beckons Jane towards her.

"Come on," she says softly. "I'll take you home."

Jane doesn't look over her shoulder when she heads towards the door after Olivia. She feels like she owes her at least that small courtesy.

.

The car ride is stony silent, and when they pull up in front of Jane's building, Olivia puts the car in park and then puts her face in her hands.

The guilt that was building all the way home finally washes over Jane. She feels tears in her eyes. "Fuck," she says. "Liv I-"

But Olivia shakes her head, and when she moves her hand, Jane can see that her eyes are dry.

"It's not your fault, Jane," she says. She sounds tired. "I asked the wrong questions."

Jane blinks. "What? Olivia, listen I don't-"

"Oh yes you do," Olivia cuts her off. "Don't start lying now, Jane Rizzoli. I want to at least end things respectfully."

Jane is silent for a moment, trying to think of the right thing to say. "I told her I was with you. Did you hear that part?"

Olivia nods at the steering wheel with a little laugh. "Oh yeah, I heard that. I heard it all."

"And...I'll tell her I can't be with her."

"Well, that's stupid, because then you won't have anyone."

"What? Yes I will, I'll have you."

Olivia manages a very genuine smile. "I told you I don't do seconds, Rizzoli."

Jane shakes her head. "But you were here first," she says, and she cannot really blame Olivia for laughing.

"Don't insult me," she says gently. "I really like you. I don't want to have to stop that."

Jane reaches out tentatively, relieved when the other woman lets her take her hand. "I really like you too," Jane whispers. The tears are back, and she fights them, embarrassed.

"I know," Olivia says, smiling again. "God, you don't make it easy on a girl, do you?" She leans forward and kisses the side of Jane's mouth. "You're so fucking honorable that you'd let me drive you back there so you could tell her that you're with me. And that's that." Olivia pulls back, and glances at Jane, and then away. "You'd even probably be happy with me. We'd be happy together. If we worked at it."

Jane can almost see it. If she makes herself. "So..."

"Beautiful, honorable, brave, sexy," Olivia shakes her head again. "And totally head over heels for someone else."

Jane wipes angrily at her eyes. "Liv…" she begins, but finds that there's nothing to fight against. "I didn't want it to go this way," she says finally.

"Me neither."

"I'm really, really sorry."

"I know. And wouldn't you know it, even sorry looks good on you."

Jane laughs. "Watch it," she says softly. "You're not my girlfriend anymore. I could sue you for harassment.

Olivia clasps her hands, like she's praying, and lifts her eyes to the heavens. "Get outta my car, you asshole," she says fondly. Jane pushes the door open.

"Will I see you around?" She asks, bending back from the curb to look in at the doctor.

"Not for a while I think," Olivia says, turning the ignition over. She must be able to tell that this bothers Jane because she smiles again. "Don't worry, Jane," she says, teasing. "I'm sure I can find another single cop lesbian who wants a family and is willing to sacrifice herself for strangers. They hurl themselves out of windows all the time. I'm bound to get another one."

Jane laughs, and stands up. "Bye, Liv."

Olivia guns the engine of her car. "See ya, Rizzoli."

…

…

It's past midnight when the knocking on the door wakes Jane up. She sits straight up in bed, disoriented and dehydrated, the banging on the door reverberating in her head like a cannon.

"Wait," she calls out, reaching out blindly for her sweatshirt. "Wait...I'm coming."

The pounding stops.

Jane slides out of bed, pulling her sweatshirt over her head. She pads out into the living room and presses her face against the door, looking through the peephole.

Maura Isles stands on the other side, a bundle in her arms that can only be Madison, and it is for the little girl, and not her mother, that Jane slides the two deadbolts and turns the lock to open the door.

"Maura," she begins, but the smaller woman steps forward, speaking over her.

"Please just hear me out," she says desperately. "I know it looks like I'm using my child to see you, but she's been inconsolable all night, and I...I finally gave in and said we could come see you. She fell asleep in the car, but I came anyway because I didn't want her to wake up and think that I'd lied to her. I want her to trust me the way she trusts you...and...I thought if you really truly didn't want me here, you could keep her for the night. That way she'll know I wasn't lying and-"

But Jane steps forward and takes the sleeping child from Maura's arms, turning away. "Come in, Maura," she says quietly. "Do all the locks behind you."

She moves back into the living room, listening as Maura slides the locks into place. All her anger from earlier has disappeared. Jane doesn't know if it vanished as Olivia drove away, or if it dissipated when she fell into a fretful sleep a couple hours ago.

She grabs an afghan off the back of the chair and tucks Madison in on the couch. Then, without looking to see where Maura is, she turns and heads into the kitchen, intent on getting something to quench her thirst.

With her head in the refrigerator, She hears rather than sees Maura enter the kitchen. She takes her time selecting a bottle of water, and when she stands up, she doesn't look over to where the doctor stands.

"Jane," Maura tries, but the detective holds up her hand and Maura falls silent.

For a while, there is nothing but the sound of the clock over the oven, ticking away. And then, Jane starts to speak.

"He bound us," she says quietly, taking a sip of her water. "Reagan did. The first nights, before he'd gotten my collar fitted right, he would tie me up...like hogtie. Madison would come and drip water into my mouth after he was asleep."

She pauses, considering the water bottle in her hands. Maura doesn't interrupt her.

"We escaped," she continues after a second. "Well, I mean...a lot of really awful shit happened in between. I watched him beat her...she watched him beat me...He -" Jane swallows, "he...did a lot of really, awful things. But we escaped and I got better physically. And…I thought 'good! great! the feeling will go away now."

Jane stops talking and Maura waits a long, long time before prompting her.

"What feeling?"

Jane sighs. "Like I'm still bound," she says softly. "Like I'm still tied up there and I can't get free. I thought if I just...kept going. Kept moving. If I helped you and Madison. If I got together with Olivia. It would stop. I would be free again..._really_ _free_."

She doesn't hear Maura step up to her, but suddenly the doctor's hand pressing at the back of her neck. Suddenly Maura is in her arms and she is surrounded by her.

"Maura?" Jane has trouble making herself say the name.

"Yes?"

"Do you ever…" she closes her eyes. "Do you ever feel like...trapped?"

Maura holds her breath for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"I mean...like to do you ever feel like...you can't move? Like if you move, something will come out of nowhere and…"

"Jerk you back?" Maura fills in.

Jane pulls back to look at her, astounded. "Yes," she says. And her hand drifts up to her neck. "Yes, just like that."

Maura reaches up and takes Jane's hand in her own. Slowly, she pulls the hand down to her lips, kissing each finger.

"There are videos," she says quietly, "on the internet, of these penguins who have been in captivity for most of their lives. The scientists carry them in cages to the beach and set them free. But they don't go. They don't know how."

Jane feels like crying. She feels like something inside of her is loosening. Releasing. Maura kisses her fingers again.

"The moment I loved you," Jane says slowly, and Maura freezes. "The moment I loved you was that day in the hospital. You told me to sit up straight, and that it would hurt less if I did."

"Anyone could have told you that."

Jane nods, "Yeah, but no one did. Everyone was too busy...coddling. And just now...just now you knew exactly how…"

"I loved you the moment you beat me at chess. The exact moment I realized it was Checkmate." Maura's eyes travel the length of Jane's neck. The brunette shudders involuntarily.

"He's not real," she whispers, and her hand on Jane's arm tightens. "He's alive in your head, yes...but it's not real."

Jane closes her eyes, and then finds that she can't bear not looking at Maura.  
The doctor looks back at her, concerned and affectionate. Beautiful. "I could help you," she says softly. "Or I could try. I could help...unstick you."

Jane has never wanted anything the way she wanted to hear those words. She takes a shaky breath, and leans forward, resting her chin against Maura's forehead.

"What if it doesn't work?" Jane whispers into the other woman's golden hair. "What if...what if it doesn't work?"

Maura pulls back, looking up into Jane's face, and the brunette slides her hands around Maura's waist, holding tight.

Maura looks at Jane for a moment longer, and then she leans forward, so their lips are almost touching.

Jane feels the breath of her words before she can process them.

She closes her eyes.

"Let's try," Maura breathes.

And she leans forward and presses her lips to Jane's.


End file.
